Ten Years in Lost Memory I
by Owl and Crow
Summary: James Potter would turn seventeen in three days. But the boy that sat on the edge of his bed in Godric Hollow had been seventeen for six months already. Very AU for explanation click on my penname. Lily and James.
1. Chapter One

"Sometimes things are better the second time around." –Danielle Juarez

A/N: Not terribly different, just better. I hope you enjoy it!

Ten Years in Lost Memory

Chapter One

August

James Potter would turn seventeen in three days. But the boy that sat on the edge of his bed in Godric Hollow had been seventeen for six months already. In three days Harold and Jane Potter would celebrate the day James had miraculously appeared on their front porch.

They changed his clothes and put glasses on his face hoping that no one would question whether or not the ten year old was really their son. He had not spoken for weeks after his arrival. He just stared out the window with a look of utter pain on his face. Then one day, he came down stairs and smiled at his new parents. He let them change his clothes and give him glasses. He took their surname and went to the school they chose for him. He played the part of their son and did not complain. But every once and a while Harold and Jane would catch him looking out a window with that same pained expression.

So James sat on the edge of his bed, looked out the window and letting the pain in his heart show on his face. It was raining outside and fog hung around Godric Hollow and the few houses that were near it. The wind blew the fog and made a tree look like someone's shadow. James leaned towards the window with anticipation bubbling in his stomach. The fog moved again and James could clearly see the tree. He sat back in disappointment.

Someone knocked softly the door. He turned to it as it opened. Jane smiled at him, he smiled back. "It's time to go. If we wait much longer you'll miss the train," she said. James nodded and stood up.

"Sooner I get there, the sooner I get back, right mum?" he asked stretching. Her smiled deepened. She helped him carry his trunk downstairs and out to the car.

----

James and Sirius sat down in a compartment, they stayed quiet until Remus slid the door open and sat down across from them. Remus gave Sirius a questioning look. He shrugged in response. Peter stumbled in and practically fell next to Remus.

"Hey guys," Peter said. "Almost missed the train, again. Would have sucked if I had, eh?" James blinked at Peter, then shook his head. "Wouldn't it have sucked, James?" Peter asked again.

"Sure," James said offhandedly. He looked at Remus and smiled at the Head's Badge on his chest. James nodded at it. "Who would have thought a Marauder'd ended up Head Boy?" James nudged Sirius, who smiled teasingly at Remus.

"Figures really," Sirius said. "He never was a very good Marauder." James laughed with Sirius. Peter joined in and Remus rolled his eyes.

"So, Prongs," Peter piped. "How many times are you going to ask Lily out this year?" James sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Look, guys, I've been thinking about this. Maybe asking her out every time I see her isn't the best idea. Maybe I should just try being nice?"

"I think you're right, James," Remus said. "It'll show her how mature you really are."

"Well, I think it's stupid," Sirius said. "You'll wear her down eventually. Besides I'm your best friend you should take my suggestion and only value my opinion." James hit Sirius on the back of the head. "What was that for!"

"I'm impatient and your idea has not been working. So, I'm going with my other best friend's idea. If Remus thinks that she'll react kindly to me being nice to her, then I'm going to be nice to her," James said.

"It's not just her you need to be nice to, James," Remus said. "You need to be nice to everyone, even Snape." James gave Remus a blank look.

"I'll stop pranking people, Moony, but you're pushing it with the Snape thing," James said. Sirius gave James a horrified look.

"Stop pranking?" he yelled. "Do my ears deceive me or did you just speak those terrible, blasphemous words!" Sirius demanded. James smiled at Sirius' reaction.

"How many pranks have we done since fifth year? We did two and I don't think they count as pranks."

"I disagree," Sirius said.

"We turned McGonagall's office pink, by accident I might add," James said counting on his fingers. "And we, again by accident, blew up Flitwick's desk. Neither of those were pranks, like I said they were accidents."

"We didn't get punished like they were accidents," Sirius pouted.

"That doesn't change the fact that they were," James pointed out.

"But we still get to play with Snape?" Sirius asked hopefully.

"First of all don't say 'play,' it sounds like were doing massive physical harm. And second if he starts with me, I'll finish with him. In other words, no more starting shit." Sirius crossed arms and pouted. Remus shook his head.

"James if you do anything slightly cruel to Snape, Lily isn't going to believe that you've changed," he said.

"Let's be honest, Remus. I'm not changing who I am, I'm changing how I act towards other people. You know that I'm a nice guy. Now, I just have to start acting like it to other people."

"Isn't it enough for just us to know you're nice? Or are you aiming at getting new friends!" Sirius yelled.

"Why is this such a big deal, Sirius!" James yelled back. "I'm not abandoning you by showing the bloody school I'm a decent person. We're not going to stop having a good time just because we're not breaking any rules. And everything you're saying makes you sound like a bloody evil lunatic!"

"All I want is to know why all of the sudden you want to be nice to everyone," Sirius said.

"Sirius, you know for a fact that I never hexed anyone I didn't think deserved it. I've always been nice enough to get by without everyone hating me. Now, I think for my last year at Hogwarts I ought to be the nicest I can be within reason. And Lily has always hated it when I hex people. She's always told me to be a better person. My argument is that I am a good person, just not in front of her. She should have been yelling at me not to be stupid," James said.

"You've been thinking about this for awhile, haven't you?" Remus asked. James just smiled.

"Well, what am I supposed to do with my extra energy!" Siris yelled. "If I'm not hexing or pranking, I'll be eating. And you know what will happen if I spend all of my spare time eating! I'll get fat!"

"Why don't you get a girl, Sirius? Instead of acting like one," James suggested laughing.

----

James sat between Sirius and Remus. Peter sat next to Remus and tried to be involved in the conversation the other three were having during the Sorting ceremony. Remus managed to quiet James and Sirius by the end of the Dumbledore's speech.

"… all students will be required to take an additional class this year. Professor Eric Juarbe will be teaching this class and will explain it tomorrow. To help all of you study for this class eight new students will be coming. They will be staying with the Gryffindor's for the entire year… Now, on with the feast!"

The food appeared on the tables and everyone began to eat.

----

"What do you think this new class is about, guys? What's with the teacher we've never heard of and the eight new kids? It's kind of weird, right?" James asked. He and the other Marauders walked lazily down the hall the next morning to breakfast.

"Looking for some new victims, Potter?" Lily spat as she walked past the foursome with her friends.

"No, actually I'm interested in why all of the sudden we need a new class. I mean I think everyone would like to know why Dumbledore insisted on a new class that requires eight new kids to come to the school. I'm just curious," James said.

"You should really call him Professor Dumbledore, Potter. It's disrespectful not to," Lily said. She walked away with her friend giggling behind her.

"Ha-ha! She didn't call me a prat! I'll take this as a personal achievement," James said.

"Good show, old man!" Sirius said patting James on the back.

"But honestly what are you guys thinking about the class?" James asked.

"I don't know, James," Remus said. "I agree with you, it does seem weird that out of nowhere we need to take some mystery class." They sat down at the Gryffindor table.

"Do you think any of these new kids will be girls?" Sirius asked.

"Why do you care?" James asked.

"You told me that I should get a girl. I've never settled for very long on one girl from Hogwarts, I figured that maybe if she wasn't from this school she'd stick for longer," Sirius said.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I think I've ever heard," Remus said.

"Yes, it is. I don't see why there wouldn't be girls coming too," James said.

"You think they'll be pretty?" Sirius asked.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," James said earning him a confused look from Sirius.

"Wha?"

"Someone who's beautiful to me may not be beautiful to you," he said.

"But I think Lily's pretty," Sirius said.

"That's not the point, Padfoot."

"Then I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"Your meaning is falling on deaf ears, Prongs," Remus said.

"Since when is Sirius deaf?" Peter asked. Remus just shook his head. 


	2. Chapter 2

"The past gives an interesting view of the future." – Danielle Juarez

A/N: I know, I deleted all the other stories. I was bound to do it eventually. Now I have a clean slate to start again. 

This is a look back at James before his seventh year. Chapter three will pick up where chapter one left off. This chapter explains why James chose to forget about his past.

Disclaimer: I, Owl and Crow, have to admit that though I wish I did, I do not enjoy the spoils of owning Harry Potter. I, a humble and pretty writer only own the characters that were not in the book and most of the plot. Alas!

Chapter Two

August

A Look Back

James spent weeks looking out the window of Godric Hollow hoping that someone would come and take him back home. But that did not happen. When he realized that no one was coming he fell into a severe state of depression. He remained that way for two whole weeks. 

It was not until he decided to make the most of his current situation that things started to look up for him. He made the decision to forget. Not everything, just those things that would make him wish he was home again. He forgot the faces and names of his old friends and family.

To remember anything he would have to ask to remember or someone else would have to remind him, either by appearing or by saying something. He thought it sounded grand. Why would anyone from his former life come to find him after so long?

James began to enjoy his life as James Potter. James Potter could be as mischievous and misbehaved as he wanted to be. James Potter was spoiled rotten and given far too much cake and candy for his own good. But James Potter would soon find out that all was not as it seemed.

When James turned eleven years old a letter arrived at Godric Hollow. This letter told Harold and Jane Potter that their little boy was to go to Hogwarts to become a wizard. They were thrilled. James, not so much. He was just getting to like his new parents and now they wanted him to leave.

He left for Hogwarts on August 1st.

----

August 1st

James had not slept the night before going to Hogwarts. He had finally become comfortable with his new parents and they were sending him away. Or at least that's how he was looking at it.

Like every other morning Jane came into his room with a plate full of breakfast and a glass of pumpkin juice.

"How was your sleep, darling?" she asked. She sat next to him on the side of his bed. James looked up at her and frowned.

"I didn't sleep last night," he admitted. She fretted over him, telling him that he would be exhausted on the train ride, and that it was foolish not to sleep. "But I don't want to go!" James yelled.

"Darling, it won't be that bad. You'll make friends and we will write to you everyday. Soon you won't want to hear from your father and I," she assured him. James just squinted his eyes and crossed his arms, stubbornly.

The three Potters piled into the car and drove to Kings Cross. All the while Jane and Harold told James how much fun Hogwarts had been and how much James was going to enjoy it there. But James was not having any of that.

Once out of the car James stomped through the crowds of people and made his way toward the barrier with his parents rushing behind him. 

James stopped when he saw some boy picking on his younger brother. The younger brother looked near tears but the boy did not stop yelling and the boys' parents did not look the least bit interested in their children. 

So, James marched right up to the boy and kicked him in the leg.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size!" James demanded. The boy rounded on James, his glossy black hair swinging in front of his grey eyes.

"My own size? Someone like you, eh?" the boy asked. James nodded then punched the boy in the stomach. The boy keeled over holding his middle as James rounded up to hit the boy again. 

Luckily, Harold got there in time and grabbed James before any permanent damage could be done. Both Harold and Jane apologized over and over again to the boy's parents, who shrugged and mumbled in response.

As soon as James was free of Harold's hold he stomped off to the barrier. Jane and Harold kissed and hugged James goodbye more times then he could count before James got on the train and found an empty compartment to sit in. He looked out the window and saw Harold consoling a sobbing Jane. In an effort not to feel as guilty James waved his new parents goodbye.

As soon as the train started moving the door to James' compartment slid open. James did not look up but saw in the reflection on the window that it was the boy who had been yelling at his brother. The two stayed in silence for a while until James got fed up and talked.

"Well, are you going to sit down or are you going to stand there all day like a bloody fool?" James asked. The boy sat down across from James.

"I'm Sirius, by the way," the boy said. "Sirius Black."

"James Potter," James said.

"Great, great," Sirius said. They sat in silence for a moment. "So, about back there…"

"I don't like it when someone so much bigger picks on someone so much smaller," James said.

"Well, he's my brother. It's kind of my job to pick on him. Besides he was complaining about how much he wanted to go to Hogwarts. He's such a suck up and my parents think he's so much better than me. I just hate him so much sometimes," Sirius said.

"He was probably just trying to get a rise out of you," James said. Sirius just nodded and looked out the window. "Look, I'm sorry I hit you. I guess I need to think a bit more before I act."

"Don't worry about it. You didn't look too happy either."

"Yea, I wasn't."

"Well, what's your problem?" Sirius asked.

"I don't think that's your business, Blacky," James said smirking.

"Hey! What's with this 'Blacky' crap?"

"That's you last name, isn't it?"

"You know very well that it isn't."

"Fine, I'll stop with the Blacky crap, if you forget about why I was pissed at my parents, deal?" James held his hand out.

"Deal," Sirius said taking James' hand.

"Great, I'll be right back, I have to piss."

"Too much information." James smiled and left the compartment. 

As he walked down the cramped hall he glanced in all the compartments. He saw that in one compartment a pale, blonde boy was sitting all alone. 

If James did not like to see people get picked on he hated to see people alone. So, after he used the toilet he walked into the boy's compartment. James snatched the book from the boy's hands and said:

"Come on. You're going to sit with me and Blacky."

"What?" he said.

"All right, what's your name?" James said sitting down across from him.

"Ummm… Remus Lupin," he said.

"Great, I'm James Potter. Let's go sit with Blacky." James stood up, grabbed Remus' hand and pulled him out of the compartment.

----

The three boys bonded immediately. They even found that they did not mind the other boy that ended up in their dorm, Peter Pettigrew. While James was uncomfortable sharing a room with all these other people he enjoyed their company enough to deal with it.

It did not take James very long to realize that something was different about Remus Lupin. In Roman mythology Romulus and Remus were twins raised by a wolf, they ended up founding Rome together. With this piece of information in mind James watched his friend very closely.

On the full moon of August Remus mysterious went to see his "sick" mother. He came back covered in scars and looking paler than ever. This pattern continued and James realized that Remus Lupin was a Lycan.

This fact did not change the way James felt about Remus, but it did make James aware of his friend's insecurities. Sure, they had only known each other for a couple of months or so, but James was terribly worried about his friend. He did not say anything, though.

What James was worried most was about being seen as a normal human being. He did not want to be different. So, in an effort to fit, in James did everything that Sirius did or suggested. Well, most everything.

Sirius was very good with girls. He was eleven and had third year girls swooning all over him. While James, on the other hand, only had eyes for one girl.

He knew it the moment he saw her. The dark red hair, the shining emerald eyes, her skin like porcelain. Lily Evans was irresistible. To James anyway.

She did not seem to have many friends and James did not like that. What he did not like more was the way she looked at him.

He had been walking down the hall with his three friends talking and laughing. James had not been paying attention to where he was going and he ran right into Lily Evans. Her books spilled all over the floor and James tumbled to the floor. He laughed, shook his head and picked up her books.

"Here you go," he said handing her the books. "No harm done, right?" Lily looked at James horrified. She grabbed her books and ran. James watched her go.

"Well, that was rude," Sirius said. But James was not listening. He was too focused on the look of horror on Lily's face. He did not want to scare her, he wanted to love her.

In an effort to make her happier, James hinted to the other first year Gryffindor girls that Lily was cool. James had built up a reputation in his year and what James Potter said was cool, was definitely cool.

By second year Lily was surrounded by friends. James was pleased. So, pleased that he plucked up the courage to ask her to be his girlfriend.

"Lily?" James called down the hall. Lily turned around and James smiled at her. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked. She nodded and waved off her friends. Lily walked up to James. "Hi," he said.

"Hi," she said. She held her books in front of her chest and made sure to stay a few feet away from him.

"I was wondering if you wanted to be my girlfriend," James said. He ran his hand through his hair and smiled charmingly at her.

"Umm… I don't mean to be rude, but I'd really rather focus on my academics right now. A boyfriend would just distract me. Sorry." She walked away.

"That's all right, Evans," he called. She turned back. "I'll just see if you've changed your mind by tomorrow, eh?" He smirked and sauntered down the hall.

James put on a cocky face for his friends, but in truth her rejection hurt him deeply. While she had been very nice, she had not said yes. All he wanted was to be around her. He would not distract her. He would stay out of her way as long as she let him call her his own.

Sirius suggested that he ask her out everyday. That way when she was ready have a boyfriend he would be right there. Of course, James took this suggestion. Lily ended up hating him because he constantly annoyed her.

James did not know which was worse. Lily being afraid of him or Lily hating him.

During the summer between his sixth and seventh year James made an unconscious decision. It's time to grow up. Not even humans are immature forever. 

So, James did. 

In two months he grew up. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Some things are better left forgotten." –Danielle Juarez

A/N: I am so glad that you guys like the revised version! I was so worried that I'd get tons of reviews from people just yelling at me for deleting the other stories.

This chapter picks up where the first chapter left off…

Chapter Three

August

Seventh Year

First day of classes

It only took one look and James remembered Eric Juarbe. He had not been important enough to forget completely. But as James looked at the creature sitting at the front of the class room, even the most minute details came back to him.

Eric had a tattoo of blue wings on his back. They would turn into real wings if he will them to. He was fascinated by humans, so much so that he married a human. Her name was Chione. He met her in Egypt two thousand years ago. He had a son named Joshua. Once he had taken James' sister for a fly around their home…

James shook himself and looked back out into the hallway. Sirius was running behind. 

Facts about Eric were not the only things that James remembered. He remembered how he acted when he was around Eric. 

James straightened his back and held his chin a little higher without even realizing it. For the first time in a long time he felt silly wearing glasses and wished that he did not have to wear his school robes.

Sirius had stopped to talk to a sixth year girl. James sighed and leaned against the wall. His eyes relaxed and he completely opened his mind.

He immediately felt the presence of some interesting people. Eight in fact, all in Eric's office. One was familiar in an eerie way. The other's were just familiar.

James did not like that he could feel people with his mind. It made him different. Different in the exact way he did not want to be. Eric would make him blow his cover. And if he knew any of the interesting people he felt it would be even harder for him.

Sirius pushed James into the classroom and sat down at back of the room. James sat next to him and ignored his talking. All of his focus was on suppressing memories. He looked down at his right hand. What looked like a smudge appeared right between his thumb and forefinger. He knew it was not just a smudge.

The class grew quiet and the students looked at Eric expectantly. He had his feet propped up on his desk and was leaning back in his chair. "Is this everyone?" he asked.

"Yes, Professor," Lily said helpfully.

"Wonderful." Eric got up and turned to the chalk board. In big letters he wrote, 'Speciology.' He underlined the suffix 'ology,' then turned back to the class. "What does that mean?" he asked. "Just the suffix, 'ology.' What does it mean?" James looked around the classroom. No one was raising their hand. Not even Lily, who scratching her head probably wondering why it mattered. So, against his better judgment, James raised his hand. After all he knew what the whole word meant. "Yes, James, what does it mean?"

"'Ology,' means the study of. Like biology. Bio means life, so biology is the study of life," James said.

"What? Are you studying behind my back?" Sirius whispered. James smiled innocently.

"Exactly!" Eric exclaimed. "Now the first bit, James. What does the first bit sound like?" he asked circling the first part of the word.

"Umm… I don't know… Species?" James pretended to guess.

"Brilliant! Now put it together!"

"The study of species?"

"If I could award your house one million points I would. Instead you'll have to settle for one hundred and fifty." The Hufflepuff's in the class began to complain loudly. "Silence!" Eric yelled. The class quieted again. "James just summarized the entire class. I'd say that deserves a reward. James, do you know what kinds of species' we will be studying?" James pretended to think it over.

"Well, it can't be the study of animals, that's zoology. The study of plants is Botany. And it would make no sense to study humans. So perhaps it's species' that aren't human, plant or animal. I… ah… I'm not going to say anymore than that," James said carefully.

"Correct again! Not human, not animal, not plant or anything from this planet. Then what?" Eric asked. He rubbed his chin. "It's an interesting question. We will be studying some species' that are not from this planet. Hmmmm…… What could they be? Aliens, perhaps?" James shook his head. Eric pointed at him. "You said you won't say anymore, but you know more, don't you?" James smiled. "Come on, James! If not aliens, then what!"

"Pagans." It came out of no where. He had not meant to say anything. He said that he would not say anymore for the mere fact that he did not want to say that word. 

But as the word rolled off his lips tons of information he had long forgotten or ignored bombarded the front of his mind. The part of James that never wanted to admit he was different was being pushed away. The word invoked not just memories but feelings and attitudes that he had not had for a very long time. 

The whole way he held himself suddenly changed and he liked it. The part of him that always knew he was different was in heaven. Finally James could admit it to himself. He was different. Very different. Not in a bad way, just a vast way.

"Pagans," Eric repeated softly. Lily raised her hand. Eric nodded at her.

"Paganism is polytheistic religion, not a species," she said.

"You're half right, young lady," Eric said. "Paganism is a religion of sorts. The Romans, the Greeks, the Egyptians, and the Babylonians were all considered pagans because they praised more than one god. But James did not say 'paganism,' because he did not mean the religion or the people that practiced it. He said, 'Pagans.' One word, capitalized. Now, I want you all to think about what has already been said. We are studying species' that are not human. If they're not humans then what are they?"

"Pagans," James said again. As the moments past James was becoming more at ease with idea of being different than everyone else. It did not make him a freak. It made him special. "Pagans, like you."

Sirius slammed his hands on the table and fixed James with a look. "How do you know this shit?" he asked.

"How do you know your mother's a bitch?" James asked back.

"I do not understand you today," Sirius said. James patted Sirius on the shoulder.

"How about you don't try?" he suggested.

"All right, I'll help you out with a monkey analogy. You go to the zoo and you see a Marmoset Pygmy monkey in one of the cages. Now, you don't know that it's a Marmoset Pygmy monkey, you just know that it's monkey. It's species is Marmoset Pygmy but it's also a monkey. Monkey is the general term that describes a group of tailed primates. Do you understand what I'm saying? You don't have to understand why it applies, just what I said." Some of the students nodded. "Good. As James pointed out, I am a Pagan. When I say Pagan I am referring to a general term that describes a large group of species'. I, myself, am a Fearie. Hence the wings." Two great, blue wings appeared behind Eric. The class gasped. The wings folded and vanished.

"This year will be spent studying six Pagan species. One a month with a test at the end of each month. We are here for eight months which means we have two months without a species to study. We will spend those months studying Pagan government and Pagan death. Before we move on, does anyone not understand what a Pagan is?" Eric asked. No one said anything. "Fabulous." He walked over to his office and went in. He came out with a pile of books in his arms.

"Professor?" James said. Eric looked up at James as he passed out books. "Aren't eight new kids coming to aid in our studies?"

"Why, yes." Eric waved his hand. Eight chairs appeared at the front of the class, the door to his office open again, eight normal looking seventeen year olds walked out and took the seats.

James was all right the little bit of different that the memories of Eric inspired in him. But when his mind was flooded with the memories of the friends he had forgotten it was too much to bear all at once. 

James pulled off his glasses and rubbed his entire head. He pushed his glasses back on once he had gained control over his mind he raised his hand. Eric nodded at him. "May I be excused, Professor? It's a personal issue that I have to sort out with the toilet, you understand," James said. The whole class laughed.

"Of course, James. Just don't let the toilet get the better of you, they're tricky bastards, you know?" Eric said. The class laughed again.

James rushed out of the room, down the hall into the bathroom. He threw the door open and fell inside. He took his glasses off and stuck his face under the running water in the sink. He shook his head a paced the room.

"I can't do it," he said to himself. "I take this all at once. It's wasn't supposed to happen this way!" James ran his hand through his hair and pulled at the messy brown locks. "Gods." He dropped to his knees and hung his head. He pulled himself into one of the stalls, locked the door and leaned against the toilet.

James closed his eyes and let some of the memories take over his mind.

----

"………… One day this tree will grow big and tall, just like you, my darling one," Desdemona said to her four year old son. "Its roots will go deep, deep down into the Earth and drink the waters flow there. The flowers that fall from its branches will paint the ground pink and white. And you, my darling one, will know more love here than any where else in the world." 

She looked down at her youngest son. He looked at the tree they had planted together with curiosity gleaming in his hazel eyes. She stroked his messy black hair and picked him up.

"Will you give Mummy a butterfly kiss?" she asked. He smiled and laughed. She leaned her head forward and tickled his cheek with her eyelashes. He laughed louder and did the same to her cheek. "Butterfly kisses from my darling one. What more could I ask for?"

----

James did not hear the bell ring. He did hear the door to bathroom open, though.

"Prongs?" he heard Sirius say.

"Yeah?" James said coming out of the stall.

"Did you have like massive-"

"Don't finish that sentence!"

"Fine, I got you're stuff, we got to go to Charms." Sirius handed James his books and led the way to Flitwick's room.

James spent all of Charm's class thinking about what he had remembered in that bathroom stall. It had not been everything. James took days to forget everything, it would take just about as long to remember it all again.

If James were totally honest with himself he would admit that he knew it would not work to forget everything forever. The real James would have come out sooner or later and there would be no way of hiding or suppressing it.

James looked down at his right hand. What had once looked like a smudge turned into an intricately designed tattoo. He ran his fingers over it. The skin stretched and the design warped as he pulled at it.

"This is what I am, take it or leave it," he whispered to himself. Sirius jerked awake and looked at him.

"Wha?"

"Go back to sleep, Sirius," James said. He glanced over at Lily, who was studiously taking notes. Then he looked back at the tattoo. "Yup, take it or leave it."

----

The Common Room was buzzing. The eight Pagans were sitting at a table in one corner talking quietly among themselves. None of the brave Gryffindors had the courage to walk up and talk to them. So instead they all talked about them.

James walked through the Portrait Hole with the other Marauders close behind him. He looked over at the corner and smiled. He turned to his friends and pointed at them.

"I've- I've got balls, boys." With that having been said, James walked straight over to the eight Pagans and sat down. He sat between a blonde girl and a black haired girl. They all looked at him with wide eye shock. Not one of them thought that James would approach them. "Before any of you say anything you should know that I've been happy here for… six and half bloody years. And in all that time I never once regretted what happened. Now, I can't quite remember what happened, but right now I am as happy as I've ever been," James told them. "Now, I could be a lot happier, but I'm pretty good all around."

"Jimmy, are you drunk?" his step sister asked. James smiled at her.

"James Potter only gets drunk off life! So, no. I just said everything on my mind. I told the truth, Jayme," James said to his sister. Her turquoise eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she smiled her brother. He reached across the table and stroked her cheek. "Butterfly kisses for my darling one," he whispered.

"Oh, Jimmy!" she sprang across the table and hugged him. James wrapped his arms around his sister and squeezed. The Common Room was suddenly very quiet. All eyes were on James and the dark haired Pagan in his arms. Suddenly one of the other Pagans stood up, pulled Jayme out of James arms and pushed him.

"Keep your paws off my girlfriend," he said.

"She jumped on me," James said. He shared a secret smile with the Pagan in front of him. "What was I supposed to do? Move out of the way and let her fall on the floor?"

"Honestly, Michael Otto," Jayme said. "You react too rashly. Besides I like his hair." She ran her hand through James hair then turned to one of her friends. "What'd you think, Serena? Is it cute or what?" she asked the black haired girl.

"I personally think he needs a brush," Serena said. She twirled a piece of her curly black hair around her delicate pale forefinger and smiled at James and Jayme with perfectly straight, white teeth.

"I have a brush," James said. "It just doesn't help at all."

"Which means he doesn't know how to use it," Serena said to the blonde girl sitting next to her.

"Shut up, whore-bag," James said quietly. Serena gaped at him then punched him in the arm.

"Hehehehe! He called you a bag of whore!" Jayme laughed.

"Hey, James!" Sirius yelled from across the room. James looked up and Sirius waved him over to the table the Marauders were sitting at. James leaned into the table he was at and whispered:

"The conversation we had before the whole room started listening in, is not over. Just wait until they all go to sleep."

He then went over to the Marauders and sat down.

"What the hell was that?" Sirius demanded. "You are out to get new friends! I knew it!" James hit Sirius in the head.

"They're new here, dimwit!" James said. "I was just trying to be nice."

"By starting a fight?" Someone behind James asked. He did not have to turn to know who it was.

"She bloody jumped on me when I told her that my hair is naturally messy," James said looking at Lily. He hated to lie to Lily but he was not ready to tell anyone how or why he knew those eight Pagans.

"Your hair is messy because you run your stupid hand through it all the time," Lily said, harshly.

"Who's starting a fight now, Evans?" James asked.

"Well, if you would just stop messing with your hair it wouldn't look like that and none of this would have happened," she snapped.

"Would you like me to stop messing up my hair?" he asked, softly.

"Yes, it's bloody annoying," she said.

"All right, I'll stop." Lily stared at him for a moment.

"What?" she finally said.

"If you want me to stop messing my hair, I will," James explained.

"I… I don't get you." She walked back to her friends. James raised his arms triumphantly.

"Let it be known amongst the Marauders that after two conversations with Lily Evans not once did she call me a prat," James said.

"I'm thoroughly impressed," Sirius said. "Let's give Prongsie-boy a round of applause." He clapped his hands until James hit him.

----

"You coming to bed, mate?" Sirius asked yawning. Remus had already left for the Head's Dorms.

"Nah, I'm not tired. I'll be up later," James said.

"Whatever, man. Come on, Pete. Let's tuck in." Sirius pulled Peter up to the dorms. The Common Room had emptied by that time except for the Pagans who remained isolated in their corner.

Once Sirius and Peter had vanished up the stairs James went back over to the corner.

"How do you not remember what happened?" Michael asked once James had settled himself.

"I chose to forget," he said.

"Forget how much?" The blonde girl said.

"As much as I could without going mad."

"James!" she yelled.

"Don't you chastise me, Remy Wolfson!" he yelled back. "I waited for someone to come get me and no one did. So I decided that I'd be happier if I didn't remember why I loved my old life. Gods, no one came, I didn't know how to get back, so I basically had to deal. I couldn't think of another way to be happy here if I remembered how happy I was there. So, I forgot everything that made me happy there. Until you eight showed up I couldn't have told you your bloody names. I decided not to remember as much as I could. I forgot just enough to get by. Just enough to be happy again."

"You forgot everything? Even me?" Jayme asked shakily.

"I'm sorry, Jayme. But I had to. To find any reason to live I had to forget."

"But you remember now, right?" One of the other Pagans asked. James looked at the brown haired boy that had spoken to him.

"Mathew Seaman," he said pointing at him. "You are a Keeper and have been dating Igbe Bean for the last eleven years. Igbe Bean." James pointed at the girl sitting next to him. "You have short term memory loss and are also a Keeper. Mark Wolfman." James pointed at the boy next to Remy. "You are Half-Wolf and Remy's half brother. You fancy a drink at four in the afternoon and often pass out because of it. Remy Wolfson." James pointed at Remy. "You are Half-Wolf also. When we were four I kissed you after your sister cut your tail off. We were close after that. Nicolas Swanson." James pointed at the boy next to Serena. "You are Dien and we once blew up a table together. Serena Nerone. I saved your life and got your father thrown in prison for killing your mother. You don't trust anyone the way you trust me. Michael Otto." James pointed at the boy sitting next to his sister. "You are a Star Wizard and have been dating my sister for as long as I can remember. We were best friends. And Jayme P. Juarez. My step sister. Left on the porch of the palace when she was only a baby……… Yeah, I remember you guys."

"You remember us because we're here and you were forced to remember," Matt said. "What I'm interested in is how much you remember about anything else?"

"What?"

"You said yourself that you don't remember what happened to make you leave your home. What else don't you remember?" Matt asked.

"I don't know," James admitted.

"James, you should really take the time to remember," Nicolas said.

"I don't have that kind of time," he said stubbornly.

"Don't have it or won't make it?" Matt asked. 


	4. Chapter 4

"It is understanding that separates us from lesser species." – Ivan Ward (you know he was one of the Creators, from this story, so technically I said this.)

A/N: Sorry for the wait, my computer got infected with spyware and I couldn't use it for a while. This chapter helps develop Lily and James' relationship. It won't be happening as abruptly this time.

Chapter Four

August

There was a color in her hair. When the sun hit those shimmering strains just so, this amazing tint would appear. It was like the first ray of sunshine or the last breath of light before night fell. James could never decide which.

James watched her from his seat at the back of Speciology class, enchanted. The sun was shinning through the windows and glistening off of Lily's hair. He knew if he looked long enough, he would see that color again. The color he loved. He almost loved it more than the green of her eyes. Almost.

Lily shook her head to get her hair out of her face and James saw it. "Like diamonds in the sky," he mumbled to himself. Sirius looked at James puzzled.

"You really need to stop talking to yourself. That is no way to attract a lady," Sirius said.

"Like you know how to attract a lady," James said.

"Hey, I have had more girlfriends than anyone in this school. I'd say I know a lot."

"Yeah, you attracted girls, Lily's not just a girl." James looked away from Lily and at Sirius.

"If she's not a girl, then what is she?"

"She's a woman, a lady," James said looking back at Lily. "A perfect lady."

"You know if you say lady enough it starts to sound weird?" Sirius asked.

"You know if you say any word enough it starts to sound weird?" James asked back.

"Really?"

"Were you born yesterday or are you particularly stupid today?" James asked.

"You know when my birthday is, Prongs," Sirius said.

"What is wrong with you today, Padfoot? You're not usually this dumb all at once," James pointed out. 

Sirius sighed and looked up at the front of the class. The four female Pagans had already arrived and took their seats at the front of the room. Sirius pointed at Serena, James' eyes followed his finger.

"She was staring at me this morning and got this weird feeling in my stomach. Then she walked past me and her hip bumped my back."

"So, that's why you squealed."

"The point is that I haven't felt the same since," Sirius said ignoring James.

"What are you nauseous?" James asked.

"No, you twit!" Sirius hit James in the arm. "I feel the way I think you feel when Lily accidentally touches you."

"Like the room is spinning just a little bit and no one notices it but you?" James asked. He glanced back over at Lily then looked back at Sirius.

"Yes, exactly. Just a little off somehow. Merlin, it's bad, James. I can't stop thinking about her," Sirius said staring at Serena.

"It's only been one class since breakfast, Sirius. You can't be that taken with her all of the sudden," James said.

"That's rich coming from you. Mr. I've been in love with Lily Evans since the moment I saw her."

"That's different."

"How so?"

"It just is."

"Isn't."

"Is."

"Isn't."

"It so is!"

"It so isn't!"

"Would you two stop it!" Remus asked turning around from the table in front of them. "What are you arguing about anyway?"

"James doesn't think that the way I feel about Serena is anything like the way he feels about Lily," Sirius said.

"That's because there is no one like Lily. You can't compare her to anyone," James said.

"He's not talking about her in particular, James," Remus said. "I think he's talking about the way she makes you feel."

"How can he know how she makes me feel, Remus?" James asked. He picked at his nail and glanced at Lily. "How can anyone know?" Remus and Sirius glanced at each other then looked back at James. He was gazing at Lily again, with a lost look in his eyes. "Like diamonds in the sky."

"What brought on this conversation?" Remus asked Sirius. James was too busy admiring Lily.

"Serena was staring at me during breakfast this morning. Then her hip bumped my back as she walked past me and I haven't been able to think straight since," Sirius explained. Remus smiled and laughed a little.

"Is that why you squealed?"

"Shut-up!"

"You think maybe she likes you?" Remus asked.

"I don't know what to think, that's why I asked my best friend." Sirius elbowed James in the ribs. James punched Sirius in the arm, in response. "But he's in Lily Land right now and is unreachable." Remus laughed.

"You know I noticed one of the Pagan girls looking at me last night," Remus said. James turned away from Lily and back to his friends.

"Which one?" he asked.

"I believe her name is Remy," Remus said. "The Half-Wolf. I thought that maybe she could tell or something." He looked and scratched the back of his head. "You know, maybe she knows cause she's got a little bit of wolf in her too."

"That's ridiculous, Moony," Sirius said. "How could she tell?"

"It's not ridiculous, Padfoot," James said. "There is not a doubt in my mind that she can tell." Remus looked frantically at the Pagans then back to James.

"Do you think she'll say anything?" he asked in a panicked tone.

"I don't think so, but you really ought to talk to her about it," James said.

"But what if she doesn't know?" Sirius suggested.

"Why would she be staring at me if she doesn't know?" Remus asked.

"Maybe she likes you?"

"Nah…"

Eric and the rest of the Pagans came into the room and headed to the front of the classroom. The boys took their seats and Eric wrote three terms along with their definition on the chalk board. He wrote 'evolution', 'natural selection', and 'adapt.' After he had finished writing he turned back to the class.

"Did anyone read the first chapter of your text book last night?" he asked. "I know I didn't ask you to, but did anyone do it anyway?" No raised their hand. Noticing this, James did. He had not read the first chapter, but he was confident that he could handle any question asked of him. Sirius looked scandalized. "Wonderful James! What is the first species we will be studying?" Eric asked. James thought for a moment.

"Star Wizards," he said.

"Exactly. What is a Star Wizard?"

"All I got from the first chapter was that they're stars with a life force within them. This life force allows them to assume a 'human-like' form whenever they please," James said.

"Correct," Eric said. "The Star Wizards evolved from a species known as Nebula Wizards. The reason that we are not starting with Nebula Wizards is because little to nothing is known about them. They did not document their lives so all we have to go on is speculation." Lily raised her hand at this. "Yes, Ms. Evans?"

"If there is no documentation of Nebula Wizards existence then how do you know they ever did exist?" she asked.

"That was a great question," James whispered to himself mostly. "Wasn't that a great question?" Sirius gave James a worried look and punched him in the arm to shut him up. It was for his own good.

"We know that Nebula Wizards existed from the Star Wizards. This would probably be a great time to point out the fact that most Pagans are in fact immortal and ageless."

These words rang in James' mind. He was yanked out of Lily Land into the Pagan world. A place where three thousand was considered still pretty young. James thought about his own immortality and cringed. He did not want to live in a world without his mates and especially without Lily. That world was not worth living in.

"An interesting fact that will be on this months test, is that the first war was fought by Star Wizards. Another interesting fact is that you all have to write a paper giving a detailed account of how that war started. All of the information you will need and some information that you won't need is in the first chapter. It's due in a week and I recommend that you not only read the first chapter but take notes on it as well," Eric said.

----

James sat on the roof of Gryffindor tower with his Speciology book laid out on his lap and a pipe of smoking tobacco between his lips. This was a common thing for James to do. Sit on the roof smoking and doing his homework while his friends slept the night away. It was a part of the real James that he could not push away, the will not to sleep. 

At first Sirius was curious as to when James did all of his homework, Remus was too but Remus was never as insistent as Sirius. Day after day Sirius would demand to know when James got all of his homework done, and day after day James would tell Sirius that it was none of his business. After a while Sirius gave up or forgot about it, but he would get surprised every once and a while when James would get something done with no time to spare.

James read the first chapter of his Speciology book for real and scribbled down notes on what he read. He let the memories seep into his mind as he read the familiar text. It was hard to sit there and go over everything he had forced himself to forget, but he managed just fine. It was getting easier anyway.

There were still those things that at the moment he just did not want to remember. He knew that eventually he would have to remember everything, but for the moment he at ease with simply being reminded.

James looked up from his text book to see the first glimmer of sunlight over the lake. He felt a warmth spread through him. It was the warmth that thoughts of Lily inspired. That color, that firey red orange color that glistened in Lily's hair was shining across the lake giving James an odd calm. How he loved that color.

Sunrise meant that James only had a few more minutes to himself before he had to creep back into his dorm. So, he finished up his notes, slid down to the window sill and hopped quietly back inside. He sat on his bed and waited for his friends to wake up.

"James!" Sirius yelled from his bed. James looked over at Sirius' bed curiously. "Prongs, you stupid stag!"

"What do you want, Sirius?" James asked, bewildered.

"I'm dreaming about her, mate!" Sirius yelled.

"Would you keep it down, Pete's still sleeping. Who are you dreaming about?" James asked, quietly.

"I was dreaming about Serena. This can't go on, James! I have a reputation to uphold, if I fall for one girl I'm done!"

"Shhh! If you fall for one girl you'll be better off, believe me," James said.

"But you're miserable, why would I take love advice from you?" Sirius yelled.

"I am not miserable," James said.

"You are too, Lily hates you and you're miserable because of it," Sirius said.

"Trust me, I'm not miserable."

"You are too."

"I am not."

"You are too."

"I am not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Shut-up, both of you!" Peter yelled from his bed.

----

"See, James, she's staring at me," Sirius said at breakfast. "How am I supposed to eat when that perfection is looking at me?" 

James looked over at Serena and caught her eye. He inclined his head towards the hall, she nodded in understanding.

"I guess you'll just have to deal," James said. "Look she's leaving, she won't bother you anymore." Sirius nodded while watching Serena leave the Great Hall.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked. He noticed that James was getting up.

"I have to piss," James said. 

"What is with you and telling me things I don't want to know?"

"You asked where I was going."

"But we've been over you telling me you have to piss. I don't want to know."

"Then how was I supposed to answer you're question?" James asked.

"Lie to me, Prongs," Sirius said.

"If you found out I had lied you'd freak, you'd question everything I'd ever said to you for the entirety of our friendship, and you'd never believe a word I said ever again. It would be a mess," James said. Sirius digested this for a moment.

"You could have refused to tell me," he suggested.

"Oh and that would have worked out beautifully," James said sarcastically. "Everyday for the rest of my life you'd be asking me where I went that one time during breakfast. I'd never have a moment of peace until you mercifully forgot about it or died."

"And that wouldn't happen for years," Remus said. He did not even bother to look up from his Daily Profit to interject in James and Sirius' conversation. "You'd just keet asking. You wouldn't even remember the incident, but you would remember that he didn't tell you something. It'd be pretty annoying. I'd rather just know that he's taking a piss."

"Well, that's your opinion, Moony," Sirius said. "I personally don't want to hear about Prongs' trips to the loo."

"Speaking of Prongs, where'd he go?" Peter asked. Sirius looked away from Remus to see that James had left the Great Hall.

"To use the toilet I'd guess," Remus said.

"I still don't want to hear about it, especially while I'm eating!" Sirius yelled.

James had left the Great Hall after Sirius had gotten preoccupied with Remus. He saw Serena leaning against the stone wall looking as picture perfect as she always did.

"What is it, James?" she asked.

"Why are driving Sirius mad? He's nuts enough as it is, he doesn't need you making it worse. Believe me," James said.

"His name is Sirius?" she asked. A strange look past over her face then she smiled and laughed a little. "Sirius," she said. "What's his last name?"

James had never seen Serena act like this. She was usually rather indifferent when it came to the opposite sex. Serena was the type of girl who got what she wanted and moved on. But right then she was smiling and biting her plump bottom lip, girlishly. James could tell that she had dressed up a little, she was showing more leg and chest then usual.

"Black, Sirius Black. You like him, don't you?" James demanded.

"I guess, he is rather good looking, isn't he?" she asked.

"Um… I don't think about my friends like that."

"You're his friend?" Serena asked. She grabbed James' arm, almost desperately. "You could tell me about him, then?" James gave Serena a shocked and slightly disgusted look. "Please, tell me, Jimmy." She gave him a look that no sane male could resist.

"What do you want to know?" James asked, stupidly. 

Neither of them was interested in the other romantically, but Serena knew how to use her special brand of sexuality to get what she wanted from any male. Even her friends.

"Tell me everything," she said wistfully. James smiled at her dreamy look.

"You got ten minutes, he's not that complicated," he said.

"Shut-up, Jimmy!" Serena hit him playfully on the arm. 

Their laughter was interrupted by someone clearing their throat. They both looked over at the entrance to the Great Hall. Lily was standing there, she looked livid.

"What are you doing out here, Potter?" she demanded.

"I was talking with my new friend," James said.

"Talking? James Potter doesn't skip a meal to talk to a pretty girl," Lily said advancing on James.

"I'd skip every meal for the rest of my life to talk to you," he said. Lily scoffed.

"Like I'd agree to that."

"Well, I'm skipping a meal now and you are talking to me," James pointed out.

"What's your business out here, Potter?" Lily asked again.

"First of all," Serena said. She was getting fed up with Lily. "He already told you what he was doing. We were talking. And second he has a first name, it's impolite and disrespectful not to use it."

"Actually apart from when she used before, I wasn't sure she knew my first name, she never uses it," James said.

"And you're okay with that?" Serena asked.

"Well… at least she's talking to me."

"We're getting off topic here!" Lily yelled.

"You like her?" Serena asked giving James a confused look.

"Oh yes," James said.

"Is that so hard to believe!" Lily yelled again.

"Well, I'm sorry but I didn't know he liked girls that don't trust him," Serena said. "He's only ever been nice to me."

"You haven't seen half as much of him as I have. I'm not acting like this because I'm just a bitch, you know," Lily said.

"Oh, so she finally admits it," Sirius said. He walked out of the Great Hall and stopped short when he saw Serena.

"Now, what are you doing out here. Breakfast isn't finished yet!" Lily yelled at Sirius.

"I had to… I wanted to…" Sirius found it hard to say anything with Serena that close to him. "… see where Prongs went."

"Well, now you've seen, back in the Great Hall with you." Lily pointed back towards the Great Hall. "You too Potter."

"I have to piss," he said.

"Ahhh! Again with the pissing!" Sirius yelled stomping back to the Gryffindor table. James gave Serena a knowing look.

"I told you he wasn't that complicated." 


	5. Chapter 5

"Memories change depending on who is remembering what." – Me

A/N: Another flashback chapter. It'll pick up where it left off in the next chapter. Sorry, for the wait.

Disclaimer: A lot of this chapter is J.K. Rowling. But a lot of it is me as well. I own the plot of this story, but very little else.

Chapter Five

June

Fifth Year

James had finished his exam and was passing the time by doodling on a piece of parchment. In James' opinion fifth year sucked. Snape would not stop provoking him, Lily would not agree to be his girlfriend, and everything he had learned that year was stupid easy. So subsequently he nearly screamed in annoyance during all of his exams, and Lily would not agree to be his girlfriend. Yep, fifth year sucked.

James leaned back in his chair and wrote 'L.E.' inside the Snitch he had drawn. He glanced up at Lily. She was curled over her exam scribbling at the paper like mad. James shook his head. The smartest witch of his year was still taking that easy test? He looked at the girl sitting next to him. She batted her eye lashes and giggled at him. James crossed out the initials and gave the girl a tight lipped smile. 

Sirius threw a piece of paper at the back of James' head. He gave James a thumbs up when he turned around. James grinned and returned the gesture.

"All right, times up!" Professor Flitwick yelled.

"What!" Lily demanded.

"Quills down!" He summoned the exams from the students and one very disgruntled Lily Evans. The papers hit the small man and James watched, laughing as Flitwick fell down. He stood up, swung his bag over his shoulder, and waited for Sirius to come over to him. He, Sirius, Peter and Remus walked lazily out of the Great Hall.

"Did you like question ten, Moony?" Sirius asked.

"Loved it," Remus said. "'Give five signs that identify the werewolf.' Excellent question." The four of them left the entrance hall and descended upon the grounds.

"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" James asked sarcastically.

"I think I did," Remus said seriously. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name is Remus Lupin…" All, except Peter, laughed.

"I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes, and the tufted tail," Peter said worriedly. "But I couldn't remember what else-"

"Figures really," Sirius said. "Hasn't been paying attention at our full moon outings."

"Shut up, Sirius," James said. "I doubt you were paying much attention either."

"I personally thought it was a piece of cake. I'll be surprised if I don't get Outstanding on it, at least," Sirius said.

"Yeah, me too," James said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a struggling Golden Snitch.

"Where'd you get that?"

"The captain gave it to me," James said. "He said I need to sharpen my reflexes." He started playing with the Snitch, allowing it to fly as much as a foot away and seizing it again. Peter watched him in awe.

"I don't think you need any practice, James," he said.

"Thanks Pete," James said smiling. "But I don't know. He is the captain after all, if anyone knows what they're talking about it's him. I figure there's no harm in practicing." 

The four boys settled themselves beneath a beech tree near the lake. Remus pulled out a book apparently studying for his next exam. Sirius looked around the grounds, bored, while James continued to practice with the Snitch, Peter watched him with an open mouth. Peter gasped and applauded when James made a hard catch, which prompted James to give Peter a worried look.

"Get a grip, Wormtail," James said, after five minutes of applauding.

"Honestly, just put it away, will you?" Sirius asked. "Before Pete wets himself."

"Look, Peter's bladder control problems are nothing to bring up on a daily basis, Padfoot," James said stuffing the Snitch back into his pocket.

"I don't have bladder control problems!" Peter said. The other three boys laughed.

"Of course you don't, Pete," James said. "It was a joke."

"I'm bored," Sirius said. "I wish it was a full moon."

"You might," Remus said quietly from behind his book. "We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me… Here." He held out his book.

"I doubt that'll work, Moony," James said. Sirius ignored Remus and instead stared at someone walking across the grounds.

"Brilliant," he muttered. James looked and saw who Sirius was staring at. Snape. Instead of letting his friend get a month of detentions, James grabbed Sirius' shirt to stop him from getting up.

"Listen, you blasted fool," he said, "you do this you'll be in detention until next year. Do you really want that?"

"But I'm so bored!"

Sirius fought against James' hold on him and stood up. James got up to, still trying to reason with Sirius. Noticing the movement, Snape glanced in their direction. Fearing the worst, Snape dropped everything in his arms and reached for his wand. Sirius saw this and grabbed his own wand.

"Sirius, I'm not kidding, stop it!" James yelled.

"What? You don't want to have a little fun, Potter!" Snape yelled, pointing his wand at Sirius and James.

"I don't know if you realize that there are more of us than there are of you, Snivellus," Sirius snarled.

"I'm not helping you start a fight, Sirius," James said, seriously.

"Passing up the chance to show off," Snape said. "That's mature of you, and decidedly out of character."

Tired of waiting, Sirius waved his wand at Snape and yelled, "Expelliarmus!" With a brilliant bit of Pagan magick James stole the spell away as he reached for his own wand. "What are you doing, James?" Sirius asked.

"I don't want you to get in trouble," he said.

"Impedimenta!" Snape yelled pointing his wand at Sirius. James stopped the spell again, this time he made it look like he had actually used his wand to do it.

"And I won't let you get him in trouble." James had his wand point expertly at Snape.

"Leave him ALONE!" James looked at Lily and let his arm fall. He was going to get in trouble. Instead of teachers yelling at him it would be Lily.

"All right, Evans?" James said.

"Leave him alone," she repeated. "What's he ever done to you?"

"I wasn't hurting him, Evans. I was keeping both him and Sirius from causing a bloody scene. I don't want my friend to get in trouble," James said defensively. The little bit of Pagan magick he had done brought out a defiance in him. He did not want to be blamed for something he had not done.

"Potter, get out of the way," Snape said, impatiently. "Your friend and I have unfinished business."

"Scourgify!" Sirius yelled. James did not have time to catch the spell and pink bubbles streamed from Snape's mouth at once. James pointed his wand at Snape and removed the bubbles.

"I'm not going to detention with you, Padfoot," he warned.

"No one asked you to, Potter!" Snape yelled. "Impedimenta!" James stopped the spell again. "Trying to show off for your mudblood girlfriend!" James got very still all of the sudden and stared at Snape.

"What did you say?" he whispered dangerously.

"Are you trying to show off for your mudblood girlfriend?" Snape asked again. Anger was pounding in James' head. He could not think for how mad he was. Power was prickling at his finger tips.

"You are a foul person, Snape!" Lily yelled. Her eyes were getting big from unshed tears. She only wanted to help him, and this was how he repaid her. Before she knew it Snape was flying across the grounds. James' wand arm was pointed in Snape's general direction.

"No one calls her that!" he roared. James put his arm down and shook himself, regaining control over the aggressive Pagan inside of him. He looked at Lily and immediately felt guilty. "I'm sorry," he whispered to her. "I only wanted them to stop fighting. Now I've gone and made it worse." He looked at the heap that was Snape. "Someone take him to the hospital wing!" James yelled into the crowd of people around them.

"Wow," Sirius breathed. "That was really impressive. I bet you'll go out with him now." Sirius smirked at Lily. Lily gave Sirius a disgusted look, then sent the same look James' way.

"I wouldn't go out with James if it was a choice between him and the giant squid!" she yelled. James gave Lily a sorrowful look and nodded.

"You know, I don't really blame you," he said walking towards the castle.

"Where are you going James?" Sirius asked.

"To Dumbledore for my months of detention. Thanks a lot, Sirius," he said.

As it turns out James got a month of detention for causing Snape so much damage he had to stay in the hospital wing until the end of term. So you see; everyone remembers things differently. 


	6. Chapter 6

"To this day I can still feel her arms around me and I can still see her face smiling at me as she walked away from me for the first and the last time." – Atticus (a story I wrote)

Chapter Six

James was confused. And for once in a long while it was not because of the Pagans. What baffled him this time was one Lily Evans. She was staring at him. Well, not just staring, gazing fondly as far as James could tell. She was also talking to him. Well, not really talking, scolding as Sirius correctly put it.

Ever since the incident in the hallway James noticed that Lily was acting strangely. Instead of catching himself looking at her, he would catch her looking at him. She seemed to go out of her way to talk to him. Or scold him. And everything she scolded him about seemed ridiculous or not really that bad.

James tried to think of any reason why she would do this. Usually she just tried to avoid him as much as possible. And now she was making an effort to see him and then she would yell at him when she could not find him. James managed to just smile and nod when Lily went on and on about whatever he 'did.'

This new development did not bother him much. In his mind it was great that she was talking to him at all. Did it really matter if she talked very loudly and only wanted to talk about how immature and disrespectful he was?

"But James, doesn't it bother you that she is now going out of her way to call you a 'prat'?" Remus asked. The four friends were sitting in the seventh year dorm rooms and James had just told the others his perspective on Lily's actions.

"She hasn't actually called me a 'prat,'" James said.

"Just disrespectful and lazy," Sirius said finishing his sentence. James threw a pillow at him.

"I don't understand why you aren't curious about why she's doing this," Remus said. "She's never gone out of her way to be near you. She usually goes out of her way to get away from you."

"Look, I don't have time to analyze the inner workings of Lily Evans. It would take a lifetime and I'm pretty sure that Sirius would bother me through most of it," James said. Remus sighed. "What? Have you thought about it for me?"

"I think she's jealous, James," he said. Sirius started laughing, Peter joined in, even though he was not sure what was so funny.

"Jealous of what?" James asked.

"She caught you with another girl, a very pretty other girl."

"But he didn't do anything with her, right?" Sirius asked. He looked at James worriedly. "Did you?"

"Of course, I didn't, Sirius," James said. "I only have eyes for Lily."

"Then how do you see any of us?" Peter asked. James gave him a perplexed look.

"It doesn't matter if you didn't do anything with her. Lily doesn't know that, all she knows is what she saw. And she saw you laughing and talking with another girl. From what I can tell she's jealous," Remus said.

"Okay, if she's jealous, that would have to mean that she likes me," James said.

"Yeah, it does."

"So… you're saying that Lily Evans likes me."

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."

"Her way of showing me affection is through yelling and humiliation."

"I wouldn't call what she's doing humiliating," Remus said.

"Well, it's not happening to you, now is it?" James asked.

"You don't believe me do you, James?" Remus asked.

"I'm having a hard time believing she's that transparent."

"I wouldn't call her yelling at you to hide her true feelings transparent."

"All right, let's say I believe you," James said. "What do I do about it?"

"Nothing, just keep doing what you're doing. It's what got you this far," Remus said.

"This far?" James asked. "She goes out of her way to yell at me. How is that an improvement?"

"I thought you said you were okay with it," Remus said. "Remember, 'at least she's talking to me.'"

"I was okay with it before you told me she was doing it because she likes me," James said. "How am I supposed to act normal if I know that she likes me?"

"You never for one second thought that she might like you back?" Remus asked.

"No!" James yelled. "What are you mad? How can I think that she likes me? All she's ever done was tell me how much she hates me. And now I'm supposed to believe that she did that as a sign of affection."

"Well, she is yelling at you now to show her affection."

James got up from his bed and walked up to Remus. "I hate to say this to a friend, but I think you're full of sh-"

"Okay!" Sirius yelled before James could finish his sentence. "Who's hungry? Huh? Who's ready for some midnight munchies?"

"But," Peter began, "It's only seven thirty, Padfoot." Sirius hit Peter with a pillow.

"James, get the cloak and the map, I'm hungry."

----

Sirius and James fumbled down the stairs and into the common room. James handed the map to Sirius and stuffed the cloak into his pocket. He looked around the room, Lily was sitting in the corner studying. He sighed and turned to Sirius. Sirius was staring at Serena, who seemed to be enjoying the attention.

"You know you could go talk to her," James said. He gave James a look.

"I'm supposed to take girl advice from a guy who can't just act the way he has been since the beginning of the year," Sirius said. James looked at little mad.

"It was just a suggestion," he muttered.

"Well, you can take your suggestion and stick it up your ars-"

"Hi," a very feminine voice said from behind Sirius. He turned around and looked wide eyed at Serena. She had she hands clasped behind her back and was swaying back and forth seductively.

"Ah-a-h-he," Sirius said. James closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Why, hello, Serena," James said. "You know, Sirius and I were going to the kitchens and I find myself no longer hungry, why don't you accompany him?" Serena smiled and bit her lip.

"I'd love a bit of a treat." She reached her hand to him. James grabbed one of Sirius' limp arms and put his hand in hers. She laughed at the blank look on his face and led him out of the common room.

James smiled at his dopey friend and looked over to the corner Lily was sitting in. She was not there anymore. He scratched his head in confusion and sighed. Someone with very soft hands yanked his hand away from his head. He turned to his right and saw that it was Lily.

"Well hello, Evans," he said smoothly.

"I thought you promised me you wouldn't do that anymore," she said. She sounded and looked a little upset.

"I said I'd stop messing up my hair, I was just scratching my head." She looked relieved. James noticed that she was still holding onto his hand. "So…" He enjoyed holding her hand, but he was not sure that she even noticed that she was. "…anything you want to yell at me about?"

"Who were you looking for?" she asked looking at her feet. James knit his brows in confusion. He tried to think of another time he had seen Lily look so bashful.

"Ahh… um… what?"

"Just before a grabbed your hand," she shook his hand for emphasis, "who were you looking for?"

"You."

"Me?" she said in disbelief.

"Is there anyone else worth looking at?"

"Oh." Lily pulled away from James and went back to her corner. He watched her go, then looked down at the hand she had been holding. It felt empty. 


	7. Chapter 7

"Sanity, like time, is relative."—Me

A/N: I have decided to focus more on Lily and James' relationship before going into deeper Pagan issues. This chapter deals with James and Lily's developing relationship and Sirius' sanity. Please enjoy…

Chapter Seven

Sirius stopped in the middle of the hallway. James walked into Sirius' back because he was not paying attention. Remus, who was paying attention walked around James and stopped to find out why Sirius had stopped. Peter walked into James' back because he was trying to finish his Speciology homework before they got to the class.

"Uh, Sirius," James said, "why've we stopped?" Sirius looked at his friends and then walked over to the wall.

"You don't have to stop," he said.

"But you do?" Remus asked.

"Certainly."

"Why?"

"I think I'm going to ditch this class."

"You can't ditch this class," James said.

"And why not?" Sirius asked.

"Because if you do, I'm pretty sure the Juarbe will make a bagpipe out of your innards."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Certainly," James said. "Why do you want to ditch anyway?"

"I just can't go in there, if she's in there," Sirius said.

"I thought you said you had a good time with her?" James asked.

"I bloody lied, all right? You'd think you of all people would know what I look like when I'm lying."

"Then, what happened?" James asked.

"Well, everything was fine until a group of girls attacked me in the common room. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy being tackled by five girls. But apparently Serena didn't enjoy it quite as much. When I didn't tell the girls to get off of me, she went up to her room. She hates me," Sirius said.

"You could apologize and explain that you had no control over what happened," James suggested. Sirius thought this over for a second.

"But in the mean time, how am I supposed to face her?" he asked. James shrugged.

"You just can't not go to class."

"What?"

"Sirius, James is trying to say that if you skip class Juarbe'll have your ass. Just try to act normal or at least not stupid," Remus said.

"I never act stupid!" Sirius said, disgruntled.

"What you did last night was pretty stupid," James said.

"Well, besides that!" James sighed and pushed Sirius into Juarbe's class room. The Marauders sat in their usual seats at the back of the class. Sirius covered his face with his hands and hoped that Serena would not kill him. James was looking through his bag for his homework when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Lily Evans smiling at him.

"Hi," she said, obviously nervous.

"Hi," James said, smiling back.

"You look……… rather fetching today," Lily said. She was carefully examining her shoes and fingering the strap of her bag intently.

"Thanks," James said, rather shocked. "You look fetching everyday." Lily's cheeks turned a light pink and her friends started giggling from where they were sitting.

"Yes, well…" Lily gave James a tight lipped smile and walked quickly over to her friends. James turned to Sirius with a huge stupid grin on.

"Did you see that!" he demanded.

"Nooo," Sirius moaned into his hands. James turned to Remus.

"Well, did you?" he asked.

"Huh?" Remus was staring at the front of the class. More specifically he was staring at Remy Wolfson. And Remy Wolfson was staring back. She smiled shyly and turned to talk to her brother who was sitting next to her.

"No one saw that? That perfect display of affection! And no one saw it!" James exclaimed.

"I saw it, Prongs!" Peter said.

"Well, at least someone can share this shining moment with me," James pouted.

"Quiet down, everyone!" Eric called. He walked to the front of the class and started scribbling on the board. "Someone tell me who these people are and why they are important." He pointed at what he wrote on the board. He had written five names on the board. Catherine Juarez, Ivan Ward, Charles Juarez, Nicolas Hughes, and Patricia Hughes. James raised his hand. "Yes, James, who are they?" Eric asked.

"They're the Creators. They made many of the species that live in the Pagan world today. Including your own species," James said.

"Very good, ten points to Gryffindor," Eric said. He went on with his lecture, but James was not paying attention. All he could focus on was the smile Lily gave him after he won Gryffindor ten points.

----

"Hi, James," Lily said as she walked past him during lunch.

"Hi!" James called to her retreating form.

"Now do you believe me?" Remus asked.

"What?" James asked. 

He turned away from Lily and back to his friends. Sirius was sitting next to James with Remus and Peter sitting across from them. Sirius was holding his head in one hand and was stuffing food in his mouth with the other. He still had not had the chance to speak to Serena. 

"Do you believe that Lily likes you now?"

"I don't know what to think," James admitted. "You know, I'm beginning to wonder if I've ever really understood Lily Evans. I mean when have I ever done something right by her?"

"This morning," Remus said. James gave Remus a blank look. "When you earned those points for Gryffindor, she seemed very happy."

"Yeah, I guess," James said uncertainly. Sirius slammed his hand down on the table and fixed James with a hard stare.

"Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?" he demanded.

"Sirius, I don't know what you're talking about," James said.

"Of course you do!" He pounded the table with his fists. "James Potter never once questioned whether or not Lily Evans would one day fall for him! James Potter never once admitted that he did not know something! James Potter paid attention when his friends were in pain! James Potter-"

"Sirius!" James interrupted him.

"What?"

"Would you keep it down?"

"I will not!" Sirius stood up and pointed an accusing finger at James. "Who are you and what have you done with James Potter?" 

By that point most of Gryffindor table was staring at either Sirius or James. Remus hid his face behind a book, hoping not to be associated with the current display, while Peter seemed enthralled by every word coming out of Sirius' mouth.

"Black!" Lily yelled. She stalked up to where he was sitting and forced him back into his seat. Sirius continued pointing at James and did not seem to notice that he had been force to sit back down. "Stop this nonsense this instant! Or I will be forced to give you detention for disrupting lunch!"

"How can you be so calm?" Sirius yelled turning to Lily. "That-that thing," he pointed at James again, who was currently slamming his head into the table, "is not James Potter!"

"Black, this is nonsense!" Lily insisted. "That 'thing', as you so kindly put it, is your best friend, James Potter. And if you don't stop this bloody mental tirade your on, I will be force to give you more than one detention!" She grabbed James' head to stop him from hitting it against the table anymore. He looked up at her questioningly. "You might break your glasses if you continue doing that," she said, reasonably. James took off his glasses and proceeded to hit his head again. And again Lily stopped him. "You might hurt yourself if you keep doing that, Potter, and I won't stand for it!" Lily scolded. James shoved his glasses back on and pouted in silence.

"You see that?" Sirius yelled pointing at James again. "Did you see that! The James Potter that I met on the train when I was eleven years old would never let Lily Evans boss him around! If he wanted to throw a fit, well, by Merlin, he'd throw it! There is only one reasonable solution. You are not James Potter, you're an imposter," Sirius said in a creepy calm voice.

"What?" James asked.

"You're some evil imposter! You're just some creepy guy who wanted to be the awesome James Potter! Some creepy guy who wanted to be a Marauder! I've found you out! Give it up! You've been found out!" Lily was struggling to keep Sirius in his seat.

"Sirius has gone mad!" Peter squeaked.

"Tell me where you've hidden him?" Sirius demanded.

"Hidden who?" James asked, trying to get away from Sirius.

"The Real James Potter!"

"Remus!" Lily yelled at the Head Boy who was trying to hide under the table. "Why-Aren't-You-Helping-Me?" Lily said with much difficultly. Trying to keep Sirius from pouncing on the 'imposter James' was rather hard.

"Remus, why is he trying to kill me?" James asked fighting off Sirius' hands.

"I think he's finally gone mental," Remus said peeping up over the table. He climbed across the table and helped Lily drag Sirius out of the Great Hall.

"Where should we take him?" Lily said, holding one of Sirius' arms.

"To the Hospital Wing," Remus said, holding Sirius' other arm.

"Let me at him! That is not my best friend! He is an imposter! Im-pos-ter, I say!" Sirius screamed trying to free himself so he could 'liberate' his best friend from the clutches of that 'evil fiend.'

"What is wrong with Black?" Professor McGonagall asked. She hurried down the hall towards the two Heads students.

"I think he's finally lost his cookie, Professor," Remus said.

"What cookie?" Sirius demanded. "I haven't lost any cookie! Not one cookie in my life and I don't plan on starting now!"

"My goodness, Black!" Professor McGonagall said. "Calm yourself!"

"Calm? How can you be calm with that imposter walking through your halls! How, I say! How?"

Remus and Lily managed to get Sirius to the Hospital Wing and strap him to one of the beds. Sirius struggled against the leather straps and screamed about how this was all part of 'imposter James' plan until Madame Pomphrey forced a Sleeping Draught down his throat. As soon as his body relaxed, James poked his head into the Hospital Wing.

"Is he still trying to kill me?" he asked.

"No, Potter," McGonagall said. "Now, back to lunch, all of you. When Madame Pomphrey finds out what's wrong with Black, I'll be sure to inform you all. Now go." She pointed out the door and the three teenagers returned to lunch.

----

"You think he's gone mental?" Peter asked. Later on that day the three sane Marauders sat in front of the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room trying to figure out what had happened to their fourth member.

"Nah, Pete," James said. "He's always been mental. Maybe it was just too hot in the Great Hall and he just couldn't take it?"

"Don't make excuses for the guy that tried to kill you, James," Remus said.

"I just…" James began. "I just don't like the idea of my best friend losing his marbles."

"Well, Sirius has been off all day hasn't he?" Remus said. "I mean first he tries to ditch Juarbe's class, then he walked into the door to Charms three times before you managed to open it, and now this."

"Thinking that your best friend has been abducted and replaced by some creepy guy who just wanted to be Marauder isn't all that strange, is it?" James asked hopefully. Remus gave James a sorrowful look. James slumped back into the couch in defeat and closed his eyes.

"Figures really." James opened his eyes and looked up. Lily was leaning on the back of the couch giving James an apathetic look. "I thought one day Black would lose his mind. He's lost just about everything else." James laughed a little before turning serious again. "I'm sure he'll be all right, James," she said gently.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Madame Pomphrey is very good. She'll fix him up in a jiffy," Lily said.

"Thanks, Lily."

"Don't mention it." 


	8. Chapter 8

If Flowers Could Fall For Me

If flowers could fall for me,  
What colors would they be?  
Would they follow me far away?  
Or find some brighter place to stay?

If an artist would picture me,  
What vision would he see?  
Would I dance in the pouring rain?  
Or mourn over my lover, slain?

If a poem were wrote of me,  
What words would there be?  
Would I be a love divine?  
Or some miserable, old swine?

If a song were sung of me,  
What would be the melody?  
Would it be a happy song?  
Or something boring and long?

If a prayer were said for me,  
To which God would it be?  
Would it be my horned hero?  
Or would it be some clumsy zero?

If you would think of me,  
What thoughts would those be?  
Would you see me as I am?  
Or would you see not but a lamb?

If you would come for me,  
What lands would we see?  
Would we go on some great steed?  
Or would we follow others' lead?

If you would long for me,  
What wonders would there be?  
Would slay a great beast?  
Or treat me to a wonderful feast?

If you would love me,  
What a marvel that would be?  
Would you give me your heart?  
Or would you tear mine apart?

If you could love me,  
What a spectacle that would be?  
Would I fly on love's broad wings?  
Or falter and fall to lesser things?

If you should love me,  
What awe that would be?  
Would you give into your desires?  
Or would you burn me with heated wires?

If flowers could fall for me,  
Where, then, would you be?  
Would I find you in some dreary place?  
Or in a window hung with lace?

If you would look at me,  
What love you would see?  
My heart's desires would leap tears from my eyes And diamonds would rain from the skies.

If you would come to me,  
What passion there would be?  
My hands would comb your body, long,  
And no other man would hear my song.

If you could see the dreams in me,  
What flowers there would be?  
Would they fall at our feet?  
Or pray to some other beat?

If you would love me,  
If flowers could fall for us,  
If songs should be sung of our love,  
What then would I have to dream of?

-Danielle Juarez '06

A/N: Sorry for the wait!

Chapter Eight

As Sirius woke up from his drugged sleep he heard the most glorious sound. No it was not bacon sizzling or even an oven timer announcing that the cake was finished. No it was someone's voice. And that someone sounded incredibly irritated.

"… of all the humans to fancy, I just had to pick the crazy one!" Serena said in frustrated whisper.

"He's not crazy," James said.

"He tried to kill you, James!" she exclaimed.

"Okay, I'll give you that, but he must have had a good reason." James raised his eyebrows as though he had made a very good point.

"He thought that someone had kidnapped you and somehow stole your body to impersonate you. If that's not bloody mad, I don't know what is." Serena gripped the side of the hospital bed and gave James an exasperated look.

"Well, obviously you don't know what mad is," James said.

"Why are you defending him? He tried to kill you!" James walked around Sirius' hospital bed and pushed Serena into a seat.

"He has been one of the few things in this world that made staying worth it," James said, seriously. "He's a better friend to me than Nick or Mike ever were because he takes me as I am." Serena sighed and shook her head.

"But he doesn't know what you are. He can't look at you the way they do," she said. It was James' turn to sigh. They were quiet for a moment. "If you just told them-"

"James Potter wouldn't keep things from his best friend," Sirius said. James looked abruptly at Sirius before backing away from his hospital bed. "Don't worry, Pongs, I'm not going to hurt you."

"Are you sure?" James asked.

"AH HA! You aren't James Potter!" Sirius shouted. He started to struggle against the strapped that held him to the hospital bed.

"Not this again!" James said, aggravated.

"James Potter's nick name is 'Prongs' not 'Pongs'! You fell into the prefect trap, it's all the proof they'll need to lock you up and torture you into divulging where the real James Potter is!" James closed his eyes and hung his head.

"My best friend's gone bananas," he said.

"I have not gone bananas!" Sirius insisted. "I hate bananas! The fact that you didn't know that proves it even more! Serena, you believe me, don't you?" he asked the pretty girl that was currently staring at him in disbelief.

"Sirius, I want you to listen to me," she said.

"Best whisper it, don't want the imposter to overhear you." Serena put her hand over his mouth. Sirius smiled against her finger tips.

"I have an inkling that you might be mistaken," she said. Sirius started to protest but she silenced him. "Hear me out. When in the last few weeks has James not been by your side?" she asked. Serena let up her fingers for him to answer.

"It could have happened while we were sleeping," he said.

"Which would mean that the one that kidnapped James would have to be a Gryffindor. But why would a Gryffindor maliciously kidnap one of their own?"

"It could have been a Pagan!"

"But none of the Pagans have gone missing."

"It-it-it- I'm sorry," Sirius said suddenly.

"What?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell all those slutty girls to get off of me. I'm sorry that I was grinning like a madman when they jumped me. I'm sorry that I didn't try to go after you. I'm sorry that I didn't apologize sooner. I'm-"

"Sirius, stop!" Serena interrupted him.

"I'm sorry!"

"Sirius, I forgive you," she said sweetly.

"Really?"

"Yes, now if I unstrap you, do you promise not to try to hurt James?" she asked.

"Prongs?" Sirius looked up at his best friend. James was inching towards the door (incase Sirius still had it in for him) but stopped when he heard his nick name.

"Yes," he said uneasily.

"It is you!" Sirius exclaimed. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you, mate! But you have to believe that I only had your best interests at heart."

"You're a bleeding lunatic," James said. "But that's why I like you." James helped Serena unstrap Sirius but remained weary of him, until being was pulled into a manly hug. "Ah, Sirius, you can let go now." Sirius disregarded what James had said and continued hugging him. "Sirius?"

"I thought you were dead in some creepy guy's basement, Prongs! Let me console myself," Sirius said. James looked at Serena and mouthed, 'help me.' She smiled.

"Sirius, when do I get my 'I'm sorry' hug?" she asked.

"Later dude!" Sirius pushed James aside and pulled Serena into his arms.

"An absolute lunatic," James said, as he left the hospital wing.

----

James was doing something he rarely ever did. He was doing his homework in the Common Room while other people were still present. Noticing this Lily sat down next to James, obviously disturbed by the look of concentration on James' face. He looked up from his homework and at Lily.

"It's the essay for McGonagall," he said. "Or Professor McGonagall, sorry."

"Oh, that's fine," she said.

"It's just you said that it's rude to call professor's by just their surnames. And you're right, of course." James got quiet and watched Lily for a moment. When she did not say anything he turned back to his homework.

"I heard Black got out of the Hospital Wing," she said suddenly. James looked up at her again.

"Yeah, he did." Lily nodded and looked at her lap. James slowly went back to work.

"He didn't try to hurt you again, did he?" James noted that she sounded worried, or was that his imagination?

"Oh no," James said, "he suddenly realized that I couldn't possibly have been kidnapped. He was freaking because he had to apologize to Serena. Stupid blitter never had to apologize to a girl before."

"Are you saying that I had to wrestle that idiot down the hallway because he had to apologize?" she asked. She did not sound happy.

"Well, Evans, he is, as you so eloquently point out, an idiot," James said. Lily stood up and glowered at James.

"What, so it's 'Evans' again?" she asked.

"I'll call you whatever you want, Lily," James said. She plopped down on the coffee table behind her and stared at the floor. "Lily, I'm sorry if I upset you. I'll call you Lily all the time if you want."

"You don't have to do everything I say, James," she mumbled.

"Yeah, but I want to make you happy. I'm not sure that I ever have made you happy." Lily looked up at James.

"You've made me smile more times then I'm willing to admit," she said.

"I think you just did." She smiled and got up.

"Goodnight, James."

"Night, Lily." 


	9. Chapter 9

If Flowers Could Fall For Me

If flowers could fall for me,  
What colors would they be?  
Would they follow me far away?  
Or find some brighter place to stay?

If an artist would picture me,  
What vision would he see?  
Would I dance in the pouring rain?  
Or mourn over my lover, slain?

If a poem were wrote of me,  
What words would there be?  
Would I be a love divine?  
Or some miserable, old swine?

If a song were sung of me,  
What would be the melody?  
Would it be a happy song?  
Or something boring and long?

If a prayer were said for me,  
To which God would it be?  
Would it be my horned hero?  
Or would it be some clumsy zero?

If you would think of me,  
What thoughts would those be?  
Would you see me as I am?  
Or would you see not but a lamb?

If you would come for me,  
What lands would we see?  
Would we go on some great steed?  
Or would we follow others' lead?

If you would long for me,  
What wonders would there be?  
Would slay a great beast?  
Or treat me to a wonderful feast?

If you would love me,  
What a marvel that would be?  
Would you give me your heart?  
Or would you tear mine apart?

If you could love me,  
What a spectacle that would be?  
Would I fly on love's broad wings?  
Or falter and fall to lesser things?

If you should love me,  
What awe that would be?  
Would you give into your desires?  
Or would you burn me with heated wires?

If flowers could fall for me,  
Where, then, would you be?  
Would I find you in some dreary place?  
Or in a window hung with lace?

If you would look at me,  
What love you would see?  
My heart's desires would leap tears from my eyes And diamonds would rain from the skies.

If you would come to me,  
What passion there would be?  
My hands would comb your body, long,  
And no other man would hear my song.

If you could see the dreams in me,  
What flowers there would be?  
Would they fall at our feet?  
Or pray to some other beat?

If you would love me,  
If flowers could fall for us,  
If songs should be sung of our love,  
What then would I have to dream of?

-Danielle Juarez '06

A/N: I wrote the poem and I am very proud of it! Someone under the name of MinniE reviewed me asking about these stories and how she/he/it could read the whole thing. Well, MinniE if you're out there if you leave a sighed review or an email address I will be able to give you more information. I know that the way I've got things situated now it is not easy for new reader to read my stories. Please respond.

I'd like to give a shout out to Granny Hp Fan. You are one of my favorite reviewers. You rock!

Chapter Nine

August 31st

James hated the feeling of someone staring at him. That was the only reason that he noticed Lily was staring at him in the first place. He would get this itchy feeling on the back of his neck and the undeniable desire to turn around and tell off who ever was looking at him. That hatred of being stared at did not stop James from staring at Lily. To James' delight she did not have the same problem with people staring at her as he did.

James' biggest problem at the moment was that he was being stared at. He could have just turned around and told the peeping tom to stop staring and he would have, had the peeping tom not been Lily Evans. At least he was fairly sure that it was Lily looking at him. Who, besides James obviously, would be in the library at lunch? He did not dare look over his shoulder. If it was Lily looking at him, he did not want to deter her.

But after James scratched his neck for the millionth time he toyed with the idea of confronting her. Far from his idiotic youth when he thought that Lily would appreciate a direct approach in courting her, James knew that confronting her was not a good idea.

Instead he looked over his shoulder. Lily was sitting at the table behind him absentmindedly twirling a piece of hair between her fingers staring at James' back. He looked back down at his homework confusedly. He still was not thoroughly convinced that Lily liked him. He fancied the idea that she might, but he was not about to get his hopes up. Though, he never really took Lily for the kind of girl that stares at a lad while playing with her hair.

James decided that he was not the one with answers and mulling it over on his own was just a waste of time. He closed his text book and threw it with his homework into his bag. He was about to get up when someone sat down next to him.

"Did you finish your Transfiguration essay?" Lily asked. She pulled out her own half finished essay.

"We have homework in that class?" James asked. He had not been paying attention in Transfiguration because Lily's skirt was hiked up her thigh. Lily laughed at the surprised look on James' face.

"We have an essay due on Tuesday," she said.

"Oh, that," James said. He sighed in relief. "I haven't even started that."

"James!"

"We have all weekend and Monday, why worry about it now?" he asked.

"Well," Lily said. She looked down at the table and blushed. James looked around the empty library wondering what was making her blush. "Saturday's Hogsmeade, I just figured that you'd want to go, like with your friends or whatever, and if you got the homework out of the way you wouldn't have to worry about doing on Sunday or Monday."

"But it's Thursday, Lily," James said. He was very confused. He could not figure out why she looked so flustered.

"I know, but you'll be busy all day Saturday and I know that you schedule Sunday and Friday Quidditch practices. So you won't be able to do it all weekend. If you don't do it now you'll be rushed to do it Monday and it won't be as good as if you did it now." James knitted his eyebrows.

"Lily, I appreciate your concern over my grades, but you needn't worry about me doing the essay on Monday," James said.

"Why? That's the only day you'll have free, besides today of course."

"No, I'll have Saturday clear. I'm not going to Hogsmeade."

"Why not?" She asked. She tried not to sound nosy.

"Sirius'll just want to go Zongo's, Peter'll just want to get candy and Remus'll just want to get another book, while I'll be dragged round wishing all the while that I was on date with-" James stopped talking when he realized who he was talking to. "And I've got homework and all, no reason to drag my feet on it, eh?" He looked up at Lily, hoping that she had no noticed what he had said.

"Wishing you were on a date with who?" she asked. James sighed and looked away from her. "James?"

"Who do you think, Lily?" James said.

"Oh." They sat in silence for a second. "Well," she said, "you make a good point. Homework and whatnot, it'd probably be best to stay back and get it all done. With N.E.W.T's this year I imagine that homework will be immensely important."

"Lily, if you want to go, I think you ought to," James said. He would not get any of his work done if Lily was around. For whatever reason she was becoming more distracting to him. Granted she always distracted him, but now more than ever he found that he could not get anything done when she was around.

"Well, you make a good point," she said. "I've been going to Hogsmeade ever since third year. Besides if I do go I'll just end up spending money I should really be saving………" She glanced up at James before continuing. "And I wouldn't want you to spend your only day off alone doing homework." Lily turned away from James blushing, while James tried to think of something intelligent to say.

"Well, no one would want that," he said. They sat in silence for a while.

"I better get a spot of lunch before the next class," Lily said. She got up and gathered her books in her arms.

"Right," James said.

"So, I'll see you Saturday," she said, uncertainly.

"Course." He felt the need to point out the fact that they would see each other before Saturday, but something held him back. As he watched her walk out of the library he realized what it was. Lily was acting like doing her homework with James was a……… date.

----

James was not talking. Anyone who knew him for even just five minutes knew that silence was not a good thing. Now if he was quiet for a couple of minutes that was nothing, but when that a couple of minutes turned into a couple of hours, there was a problem.

James had been sitting on the couch in front of the fire since the end of the last class of the day. He had not gone to dinner. Remus noticed this but Sirius was too busy stuffing food in his mouth to realize that his best mate was not with him. Remus finished his meal and went back up to the Common Room. He found James staring, unblinking, into the fire. He was about to sit down next to James when someone got there first.

"James?" Remy said. She put her hand on James' shoulder and shook him slightly.

"That won't work," Remus said. He sat on the other side of James. "You have to hit him when he gets like this." Remy nodded and hit James lightly on the back of his head. "No, you have to hit him harder than that. Like this." Remus hit James hard in the back of his head. James blinked and looked at Remus.

"What?"

"You were staring into the fire, James," Remy said.

"And you missed dinner, so what's wrong?" Remus asked.

"I think that Lily and I are going on a date," James said. Remus snorted. "Shut it, you bugger!"

"I told you she likes you, James! Good job, where are you going on your date?"

"I said I think we're going on a date. She was acting like we're going on a date. I'm not sure if we are. She invited herself to do homework with me this Saturday," James said.

"That doesn't sound like much of a date to me," Remy said.

"You don't know Lily Evans," Remus said. She looked up at Remus, smiling ever so slightly.

"Why don't you tell me about her?"

"Well, she… ummm… she is very much a good student," he said somewhat clearly.

"Really?" Remy said. "So, doing homework on a weekend would very romantic to her?"

"I suppose."

"What do you find romantic, Remus?" she asked. Remus' eyes got wide when she asked him that. He gulped and began stuttering.

"I… ahhh… I can't… ummm… really… know……… you know?" James rolled his eyes and got up.

"Really if you're going to flirt like a fool Remus, you shouldn't let me get in the way." With that James went up to his dorm. Remus blushed and moved to follow his friend.

"Don't go," Remy said. He stopped and looked at her.

"I should really find out what's up with him. He can get rather dramatic where Lily is concerned," Remus said quickly.

"Perhaps he just needs sometime to think," she suggested.

"No, James needs to talk, it's his way." Remy sighed. She did not like the fact that Remus thought he knew more about James than she did. She had known him since he was born, had she not?

"People change, you know? Haven't you noticed anything different about him?" she asked. Remus thought a moment.

"Well, he does seem a bit more mature," he admitted.

"There you go. Maybe a more mature James wants to work this Lily thing out on his own and you can stay here and sit with me for awhile." Remus conceded and sat down next to Remy. "There you go, easy right," she said with a laugh in her voice, "I don't bite."

"And I just might," Remus mumbled. 


	10. Chapter 10

The Essence of Rosemary Plum

Once in the Time upon which it happened.  
A girl of the name Rosemary Plum.

In story context,  
Life of and essence of Rosemary Plum.

Of fingers purple,  
And scent of rosemary.

Of fruit and herbs Rosemary Plum.

Violet always,  
Rosemary Plum.

How I love thee,  
Rosemary Plum.

Cold water,  
Clean thy plums,  
And hold thy thumbs,  
Rosemary Plum.

Lavender plums and purple flowers,  
Carefully come,  
Rosemary Plum.

Hear my heart,  
Rosemary Plum.

Pick thy plums Spice thy life.

Hold your name,  
My Rosemary Plum.

Hear my heart,  
Hear my words,  
Rosemary Plum.

How I love thee,  
Rosemary Plum -Danielle Juarez '05

Chapter Ten

If James were totally honest with himself, which he rarely was, he would have to admit that Sirius was right about him. Well, he was kind of right. The whole kidnapped thing was a bunch of bullocks. But the fact that James Potter would never second guess himself was indeed true. James Potter was always sure that Lily Evans would one day realize her undying love for him and they would snog each others' brains out.

There were moments though. Moments when James was not James Potter, he was himself. In those moments he was sure that one day Lily Evans' rejection would kill him. Those were moments when he was so unsure that he seriously considered giving up on her. His self confidence would vanish and he would worry about the most ridiculous things. James Potter would never think for one second that Sirius Black would stop being his friend. But in those moments anything was possible in James' mind.

As James sat alone in the library he could feel one of those terrible moments coming on. Every five seconds he would look up at the door. He had been there for at least a half hour and had gotten nothing done. Now if James were at all honest with himself, which we all know he is not, he would have to admit that he was waiting for Lily. He told himself and all of his friends that he was not getting his hopes up, but he had. He really wanted Lily to come. He wanted to think that she thought they went on a date, even if they were only doing their homework.

James sighed and begrudgingly conceded to the fact that she was not coming. He picked up his books and moved to the back of the library. The librarian was giving him dirty looks and he was sick of it. James pulled out his Transfiguration essay and started working on it. As his essay neared completion he began to think that he was not the problem. Lily had invited herself to do her homework with him, not the other way around. James finished his essay and stuffed it in his bag. He did not want to stay in the library. By all accounts he felt that Lily had stood him up.

"James?" He stopped his stubborn tramp out of the library and turned back. He saw Lily standing in front of the library. He walked up to her. "Were you going somewhere? Because if you have some where you'd rather be that's perfectly fine. I understand-"

"Lily," James said interrupting her, "I was just going to the use the toilet." Lily blushed. She looked very embarrassed.

"Oh, well, then. I'll just get us a table, right?" she ducked into the library and left James standing, rather confused, in the hall way. He shook his head and went down the hall to the lavatory. He did not really have to go, but he would feel guilty telling Lily that he had to go and then just standing in the hallway for a few minutes pretending to go when he really did not have to go in the first place. If that made sense.

"How's your date going?" James turned around. He was getting sick of people talking to his back.

"I didn't think she was coming for a while," James said to Remy. "You know what? I don't think that I'm the issue."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Lily has been refusing to date me since second year. I'm starting to think it's her."

"Shifting the blame, eh?" Remy playfully punched James' shoulder. He shook his head.

"I have been trying ever since she first said no to become what I thought she wanted. And now that I'm just being myself she's still being weird around me. So, maybe, maybe its got nothing to do with me. I think it's her," James said. He said it in the way anyone would when they had just figured out something that had been bother them for years. "Anyway, what're you doing here? I thought you'd jump at the chance to get out of this castle."

"I asked Remus if he wanted to go to that little town, but he said no. Well, he said he'd already promised his buddies he'd go with them, so he couldn't go with me. Sounded like an excuse to be honest," she said.

"Probably was," James said, "to be honest the guy can be pretty dumb when it comes to the opposite sex. He feels like he isn't worthy of a girlfriend. It's complete bullocks, really."

"Is it because he's a Lycan?" Remy asked.

"I knew you could tell."

"He just smells like it. I don't think it was a good idea to invite him in the first place, anyway. I mean I'll be leaving at the end of the year so. It'd probably be better not to get attached," she said.

"Don't talk like that, Remy. You deserve happiness as much as anyone. You shouldn't deny yourself a good time just because you're leaving at the end of the year." She shrugged.

"Guess you better get back to your date."

"Yeah, she'll be wondering why it takes me so long to piss." James wrapped his arm around Remy and kissed her cheek. "Don't give up on him. It'll just make it worse."

He headed back to the library. He peeked in to see Lily doing exactly what he had been doing hardly an hour before. Every now and then she would look up at the door. Her quill hung loosely in her hand, her books were closed and she had no parchment out. James looked away from her and shook his head. He did not think she liked him. He thought she was confused as hell that he was being a nice person all of the sudden.

James looked back to where Remy had just been but she was gone. The problem was that James could not even threaten Remus properly without his connection to her being called into question. He was not quite ready to go there yet. Instead of fretting over it he walked into the library intent on getting some homework done. It was unlikely that he would, but he could most certainly say that he tried.

----

James was freaking out. It was rare to find something that truly left James speechless. But Lily Evans managed to do it quite well with just a few words.

"I forgot a book in my dorm. Do you want to come with me to get it?"

Plenty of girls had used that exact same line on James. For whatever reason he had no problem getting into the girls dorms. (This little fact led Sirius to believe that James was in fact a girl. James could not take a shower for three weeks without fear of being peeked at.) Typically James refused such offers. He wanted Lily and he would not settle for anyone else. But since it was Lily asking a great bit of inner turmoil arose. It was their first date- or 'homework outing' as James called it in his head. Was it really appropriate to snog a girl on the first 'homework outing'? Perhaps she did not want to snog. It was that thought that led James to nod in agreement. He would go, but he would not snog her……… unless in the very unlikely case that she jumped him, then he would snog her.

James and Lily stopped in front of the statue of a fat witch with horns. Lily looked up at James. "Has Remus told you the password?" she asked.

"No, Sirius has been trying to threaten it out of him but all attempts have been futile." Lily laughed and James was not sure what to do. So he did something he was used to when in Lily's presences, he flirted.

"Well, you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone the password. Not even Sirius." She pocked him in the chest. James grabbed her finger and smiled.

"He'll never let up on it. He and I will be decrepit old men and he'll still be asking me what the bloody password is… but for you fair maiden I will suffer through it! Sirius Black will never know that the password is…"

"Endoplasmic reticulum." James snorted. "That was so gentlemanly."

The fat witch jumped to the right, revealing a door that was hidden behind her girth. Lily led the way in and with a decided lack of confidence James followed her. She walked gracefully over to the door the bore her name, grasped the knob and turned back to James.

"You can- I mean if you want- you can- maybe come- you know help me find the book. The room's quite a mess if you ask me. Two people might find it faster. Then we could- we could- get back to studying," Lily said eventually. By the time Lily got out what she wanted to say James was so confused he did not know how to answer.

"Okay." He figured that was a safe answer. Lily smiled and blushed. 

She pushed the door behind her open and went in. James cautiously followed her. He vaguely recalled her saying that her room was messy. It was perfect in James' opinion. Not just because it was Lily's room but because there was not a single thing out of place. The books were on the bookshelf. The bed was made. The floor was clean. James bet that if he looked in her drawers even her knickers would be folded.

His eyes got wide. He really did not need to be thinking about Lily's knickers while standing in her bed room. While he hoped that Lily did not notice how flustered he looked she scanned the book shelf.

"All of these books are out of order." If James had not been thinking about her knickers only moments before she spoke he would have notice how planned that statement sounded. She sighed dramatically and looked at James. "You might as well sit down. I'll never be able to find this book without organizing all of them. You don't mind waiting do you?" she asked. James shook his head and plopped down on the floor. "Sit on my bed," Lily said smiling, "it's much more comfortable." James nodded again and got on to her bed.

If James had to make a list of impossible things that could never happen, sitting on Lily Evans bed watching her bend over would be at the top of the list. Not that he was complaining. He rarely got the chance to look at her perfectly round bottom in everyday life. Lily was talking but James was too enticed by the fact that her skirt was riding up to hear what she had said.

"……… I just really want to get know you. I mean you've been after me for so long. I figure that it's about time we learn something about each other. I mean with Remus as Head Boy and you as one of his best mates, I thought that we'd be spending a lot of time together. Besides you seem to have changed quite a bit. Or a least you've finally started being yourself. I prefer that one actually. That this way that you've been acting recently is just you being yourself. Like you've grown up and realized that playing the part of an arrogant prat just isn't you. The truth is that I've always thought of you as rather fetching. If you'd just brush your hair I'd imagine that you would be quite handsome. Here, I have brush you can use."

Lily walked over to her bedside table to retrieve her brush. With her bum gone from his view James began to think clearly again. He still had no idea what she had said though. She stood right in front of him and he looked up at her. This whole situation had left him at a complete loss. He had no idea what to do. Luckily, Lily had her mind set on something that required no thinking on James' part.

Lily brought the brush to James' head and began pulling it through. To her surprise it was oddly smooth. The brush moved easily through his locks but it did not managed to make his hair any neater. Lily stopped brushing and stood back looking at James. She then climbed onto the bed and sat behind him. The brush continued to try taming his hair. Nothing worked. The more she fussed with it, the messier it got. Eventually Lily put her brush down and laid back in frustration.

James looked back at her curiously. He was on a bed with Lily Evans. He was on a bed that Lily Evans got into willingly. With him already there. On the bed. James shook his head trying to rid it of the images. Thinking like that would not get him anywhere he decided.

Lily sat up all of the sudden and gave James a coy look. "James?" she said.

"Yes, Lily."

"Do you fancy me?" James laughed. "Why are you laughing, just answer the question."

"Of course I fancy you. I've fancied you since the moment I saw you," he said. She scooted closer to him.

"Really." She leaned in.

"Oh yeah." Figuring that he would never get another chance to kiss Lily Evans, James reached out caught Lily's cheek and planted a chaste kiss……………… on her forehead. 


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!! And I seriously am sorry this time. My job was sucking up all of my time. Even though I only worked three days a week, those days that I was not working I was laying around because my feet, body and brain still hurt. The good news though is that I don't work there any more! My new job gives me plenty of time to do as I please. So you all should be as happy as I am because with this new job I get time to write!

Chapter Eleven

September 2

James prided himself on the fact- or what he thought was a fact- that he knew every little thing about Lily Evans. But the truth of the matter was that he did not know everything about Lily Evans. If he did know everything about her, he would have noticed right away that she had started to fancy him. If he knew everything about her he would have known that kissing her on the forehead when she wanted to be snogged, would most certainly get him smack and then snogged.

Well, they had only gotten as far as the smacking and James decided he did not deserve it. So, he got up and left the Heads Dorms without a word. The Pagan in him was so pissed off that he slipped through the halls impossibly fast and made his way to Gryffindor Tower. By the time Lily caught up with him she was a bit pissed off as well.

She grabbed James by the arm and swung him around. "How dare you just walk away from me?!" she screamed. The few people in the Common Room scurried out of the way, sure that the argument to follow would be rather violent.

"How dare you smack me for doing nothing?!" James yelled back.

"Nothing? You did nothing? How about you kissed my forehead when I wanted to you snog me within an inch of my life! That's not nothing, Potter! That's-" James pulled her into his arms and smashed his lips against hers.

----

Sirius was not sure what exactly was going on in front of him. It was pretty common for Sirius not to know what was going on around him, seeing as he never paid attention to that bit. But generally he knew what was going on in front of him because it was directly in his line of view. Not this time, though. He had no idea how what he was seeing came to pass.

What Sirius was not aware of is the fact that Lily Evans could be quite forceful when she wanted something. The thing is that as far as Sirius knew she only ever wanted good grades. That is why she was always so intent on studying. She wanted good grades she got good grades.

But Sirius could not understand why Lily Evans would want James Potter to check her tonsils with his tongue. As far as he could tell James was not very knowledgeable when it came to matters of medicine. For as long as Sirius had known him James had never gotten sick. Considering his inability to know when to leave well enough alone, Sirius wanted to inform Lily of this little fact.

He was just about to when the most beautiful thing on two legs intercepted him. Serena grabbed Sirius' tie and effectively distracting him. He looked down at her with a dopy look on his face, or the usual look on his face, depending on your point of view.

"I was wondering if you knew of a private place," she whispered.

"Your dorm?" he suggested. Not a good suggestion but hey at least he said something.

"No, I meant somewhere I could be totally alone. No interruptions. You know a place people go to do naughty things. A place very few know about. Do you know where that place is?" she asked.

"Your dorm?" Serena sighed. She let go of his tie and scratched her head.

"Sirius, just tell me where I can go so that I won't be bothered. And if you say, 'your dorm,' I swear I will never touch anywhere you want me to." Sirius blinked and thought hard.

"The Room of Requirements!" he yelled. James pulled away from Lily long enough to say:

"Sirius, you great oaf!" But no one was quite sure if he meant to say 'oaf' or if that was just a muffled version of something else. Lily had grabbed James shirt as soon as he pulled away and smashed her lips back onto his near the end of his statement.

"Wonderful, where is that room?" she asked.

"I'll take you," Sirius said.

"Perfect, let's go." Serena grabbed his hand and headed towards the Portrait Hole.

"Sirius Black, I swear!" James yelled. He pulled away from Lily again.

"James Potter, I swear that if you don't snog my brains out right now, I'll-" James cut her off.

"Well, that solves that," Sirius said. He shuddered at the sight on the couch. "Shall we?"

----

At the moment Remy was regretting ever going Hogwarts. She signed up mostly because all of her friends had and she did not want to be left behind. Another perk was that she passed all of her other classes for participating in this 'educational experience.' But now Remy did not think it was worth it anymore.

The reason for her foreboding mood was sitting across the table from her. He looked pale and down right sickly. Wednesday was the full moon and he said he was going to see his sick mum. Remy fought the urge to chide him for seeing a sick person on the night of his transformation. She was sure that he did not know that she knew about him. 

But she did know that he was well aware of her interest in him. It seemed to her that he purposely ignored her when they were together. Or he would refuse to go anywhere exciting with her, instead he would go to the library when they were together and do his homework. Remy thought it upset Remus that these purposefully boring excursions did not deter her interest in him.

"Remus?" she said. His jaw clenched at her voice.

"Hmmm." He did not look up from his essay. His seeming indifference to her presences made did nothing to improve her mood. After all she was the superior being in the situation. He was just a fool that could not see how lucky he was to be getting any attention from her at all.

"Does it hurt?" she asked ambiguously. He glanced up at her.

"I-I don't know what you mean." He went back to his essay. She leaned across the table, making sure he got a great view of her cleavage. He swallowed hard and grinned.

"Does it hurt knowing that you're forcing loneliness upon yourself?" He started fidgeting with his quill. She could tell he was having a hard time looking her in the eyes.

"A-Again, I'm not sure what you mean." Remy sighed and sat back in her chair. Remus went back to his essay and Remy made a frustrated noise.

"You know, James told me you don't think you deserve a girlfriend." Remus looked up at Remy. "And if you keep acting like this, I'm going to have to agree with you." She stood up and gave him a vicious look. "Not because you're a Lycan," she said this quietly, "but because you don't seem to care about anyone's feelings but your own."

"Remy, I-" Remus began. He did not get the chance to finish his sentence though. By the time he said anything Remy was already out the door.

She was not sure why she was so mad at him. All of things her mother had told her about humans said that she should not care about him in the first place. That was most certainly not the case.

"Hmmmm………" Remy's ears perked up at the sound. "Like that……… do that again… Hmmmm………" Recognizing the voice Remy made her way over the origin of the noise. 

"Oh would you bugger off!" Serena yelled when the light of the hall fell on her hiding spot. She did not both untangling herself from Sirius' embrace.

"I would but I don't think snogging in a secret hall way is allowed," Remy said. Hearing Remy's voice Serena pulled Sirius' head out of her chest and pushed him away.

"It's not what it looks like," Serena said. She calmly straightened her dress.

"Oh, I'm fairly sure that it is exactly what it looks like." Serena made a disgruntled noise in the back of her throat.

"It is not a sin to snog, Remy!"

"I never said it was." The two long time friends stared at each other for a while. Serena broke out of her reverie and walked away from Sirius.

"Serena," Sirius called.

"I'll see you later, Sirius," she said as she rushed down the hall. Remy followed her. "It's not wrong, Remy. What I do with him isn't wrong." They continued down the hall at quick pace.

"Trust me darling, I now it isn't wrong," Remy said.

"Then why am I hiding? If it wasn't wrong I wouldn't be hiding it."

"Serena, you're hiding it because it's looked down upon to snog heatedly in the hallway." Serena stopped and turned on her friend.

"No, you know as well as I that that is not the truth. I'm not hiding it from the students and the professors here. I'm not hiding it to protect the privacy of what we have. I'm hiding it from the others because he is human. And though I do not share in the hatred most Pagans bear to humans, I can not deny myself the shame. Of all the species in the world I had to fall in love with-"

Serena's rant was cut short by a thud resounding behind Remy. It sounded strangely like someone fainting. 


	12. Chapter 12

"At this point I've confused myself so much that I can neither substantiate nor invalidate my argument." Phil Juarez (My daddy)

A/N: Hello world! I've been working all last week and on top of that I had no idea what to write! But I'm still around and I've started the next chapter for The Heir to a Dead Man's Empire and for Just Another Brick in the Wall and another Oliver and Katie one shot. Please be patient with me!

Chapter Twelve

November

James felt like he was on top of the world. In his arms was the most beautiful creature he ever had the pleasure to snog senseless. When they were together he felt like he was in heaven. He felt like he was the best possible person for Lily Evans. He would treat her like a queen. His queen. He would praise her like a deity. His goddess.

Sure they were in a broom closet and he had his hands on her bum. But none of that mattered. They were together and she was apparently happy enough with him to let him touch her. He did not have any clue why she was happy with him. They had gotten into their first fight as a couple that day.

Lily thought that James was not interested in her because he never touched her or kissed her or even hugged her in public. James thought that she did not like public displays of affections because she used to yell at him for screaming his undying love for her down the hall way. They made up pretty quickly. All James had to do to shut her up was kiss her in a public place.

So he hunted her down while she was doing rounds with Remus and snogged her in the hallway. Granted the hall was empty except for a very disturbed werewolf, but she forgave him nonetheless. After kissing heatedly in the hall they stumbled into a nearby broom closet and never gave it a second thought.

That is until they were interrupted. Luckily for them they were not interrupted by a teacher or even another student. They were caught by a Pagan.

"Excuse me, we were in the middle of something," Lily said harshly. James had come to realize that she did get a little testy when her snogging was put on hold.

"Apparently," Mathew said. He gave James a disgusted look and went on. "Juarbe would like to see you, James. Now."

"What for?" Lily demanded.

"I don't believe that it is any of your business, human."

"Matt," James said warningly. Mathew gave James a look of clear annoyance before turning back to Lily.

"Juarbe wants to talk to James about his test, Ms. Evans," he said softly.

"Tell Juarbe I'll be at his office in a few minutes. I'm going to walk my girlfriend back to her dorm." James grabbed Lily's hand and made his way down the hall.

James did not know why Mathew had responded to him like that. Sure he thought that Mathew had over stepped his bounds talking to Lily in that tone, but it did not make sense why he would change his entire demeanor because of one word from James. He had noticed it a little with some of the other Pagans. Though he did notice that his step sister never listened to him. Like she was of the same status as him, which, to be honest, made quite a bit of sense.

Unbeknownst to James he had stopped walking in the middle of the hallway. Lily stood next to him for a while, trying to figure out why he had stopped. She called his name a couple of times but got no response. So, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. James responded to that.

"Lily, we'll finish this tomorrow. I have to go talk to Juarbe," James said.

"I am well aware of that, James," Lily said.

"Then why've we stopped?"

"That's a good question, James. A very good question that only you have the answer to." She wrapped her arms around his waist and started kissing his jaw.

"Lily," James whined. "I have to go. Juarbe'll flip a shit if I don't." Lily sighed and pulled away from him.

"Well, are you going to walk me back to my dorm or are we going to stand here staring at each other all night?" she snapped.

"I could stare at you for an eternity," James said wistfully. Lily smiled and blushed, in the darkness of the hall James could hardly see it. But when he put his hand on her cheek his felt the heat there. "Come on, love, let's get you to bed."

"That could be taken in many very wrong ways, Mr. Potter." Lily grabbed James shirt and pulled him towards the Heads Dorms.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

----

James hated when the people he most trusted in his life did not tell him the truth in its entirety. While he was not completely honest with himself, he did expect more of those people around him. When he was let down on that front, which was not often, (Sirius, Remus, and Peter knew better) he got very angry. James did not get angry very often, because he did not like what happened when he did.

The great anger made his body drip with power. Power so massive and uncontrollable it was almost palatable. Things broke, the building lurched, people were thrown off their feet when James got that mad. Only two things got James that mad, though. When people did not tell him the whole truth and when Snape called Lily's blood filthy. At that point in his life, everyone, even Snape, knew better than to do either of those things. Things that were strange, even for wizards, happened when you crossed James.

The eight people that James thought knew him better than anyone, apparently did not know better than to lull him into a false sense of security. The thought that perhaps he had been lied to, struck James as he descended upon Juarbe's room. The fact stood that Eric Juarbe did not talk to anyone about their tests. You got what you got and that is the end of that.

James' eyes narrowed at the door. He made sure that everyone in Jaurbe's class room knew he was not happy. He felt the prickling of extreme anger on his skin. Without much thought he flicked his wrist causing the door to slam open. Like a whispering in his mind the Pagan in him told him that he deserved better treatment. Told him that they should have treated him with more respect.

And then he walked into something hard.

"You are very powerful for one so young, James," Eric said. He stood at the front of the class room. "But that's just what you are. Young." James glared at the Faerie. "Now settle down, and sit down." James never really liked taking orders, but he knew that his will was no match for Eric's. So, to appease himself and the Faerie, he sat down. "It has come to my attention that you have fallen in love."

"With a human, no less," Matt snarled from the corner.

"What does her species matter?!" James roared. His power, still raw, spat out at Matt. The much weaker Keeper stumbled into the wall behind him when it hit him.

"James!" Eric brought James' attention back to him. "The facts are that you do not belong here."

"As I recall, it was not my choice to come here," James growled.

"How much do you recall?" Michael Otto said gently.

"What does that matter?" James snarled.

"We aren't trying to insult you, James," Remy said.

"We only want to help you, Jimmy," Jayme said, "and the fact stands that even if you do love her, you could never marry her." James furrowed his brow in confusion. The extreme of his anger clouded his memory.

"Why not?" he asked.

"James, we can not have this conversation until you remember everything," Eric said. "There is a good ten years of your life that you can not remember. Don't tell me that doesn't bother you."

James shook his head. "Ignorance is bliss," he whispered.

"Only if you don't know you're ignorant," Michael said.

"You know I'm not the only one here who is guilty of loving outside of their species," James said, defiantly. "Serena, where were today at lunch. I don't recall seeing you there. Or my best mate Sirius. Was that a coincidence, or were you snogging his tiny little brain out?"

"That's none of anyone's business," Serena said.

"Come on, Serena. You told me two weeks ago you were in love with him," Remy said.

"Oh, you bloody hypocrite! What about Remus?" Serena yelled at her friend.

"What about him? He won't come close enough to let me touch him with a ten foot lance!" Remy's voice rang the classroom into silence. She huffed and sat down. "What? Am I poison or something?"

"Remy, how many times do I have to tell you? He's a fool," James said. "You just need to prove to him that you're worth it."

"No," Mathew said. "She is a superior being to him. She should not have to prove anything to him."

"Matt, you have never had you're loved one refuse you. So, do not speak of what you do not know," James said.

"Don't feed me that crap, James. We are better than humans. Right down to our DNA. And there is nothing you can say to prove that otherwise." James stood up and walked towards the door.

"I want you back here tomorrow evening and by that time, I expect you to have remembered your life in it entirety," Eric said. James turned back to the front of the room.

"I am what I am!" he yelled with his arms spread wide. "I am in love with Lily Evans and there is nothing that will keep me from her. Nothing." 


	13. Chapter 13

"The truth is an obstacle we all must face and one day push past." – Me

A/N: I'm graduating tomorrow!!!!!!!!! Be happy for me, I'm no longer a high school student!

Chapter Thirteen

Still November

Sirius Black was having a dilemma. And for once it was a real dilemma. Not at all like the fake one he had had in fourth year when he thought that a 'dilemma' was a sort of French dinner roll. He was actually having a real problem. An internal emotional breakdown.

Serena had said that she was in love with him and he was not- need I repeat- was not considering breaking up with her. This was remarkable for a number of reasons. The first and foremost being that every other girlfriend he had that told him she was in love with him got broken up with in mere minutes.

Another reason was that Sirius had always dreamed of dying a bachelor with hundreds of illegitimate children. But after Serena said that, he could see a life with her. A handful of bratty kids he could spoil rotten and feed candy until they were too hipper to go to bed for weeks.

He could see a happy life. A life he would never be alone in.

To be honest Sirius had always hoped that he and James would become old men together. That they would stand the test of time and remain bachelors to the death. But as James got closer and closer to Lily it was become ever clearer to Sirius that James would probably end up marrying the overbearing redhead.

If Sirius had to break with his idea of him and James being the perpetual bachelors he would have to have a pretty good alternative. And Serena was by all accounts a very sexy alternative.

Serena stretched out on the coach in the Gryffindor Common Room hoping for a quick nap before lunch but Sirius had other plans. He had overheard her beautiful proclamation of love nearly two weeks ago but had yet to hear it said to his face. So, if Serena was not going to come to his face to say it, he would bring his face to her.

And that is exactly what he did.

Actually that is quite literally what he did.

Just as Serena closed her eyes she felt something like a nose pressed against her forehead. Her eyes opened and she ended up staring straight at Sirius' chin. So, she pushed his face away from her and tried to go back to sleep. But Sirius was not so easily put off. He smashed his nose into her cheek and waited.

She was trying to ignore him.

Sirius hated to be ignored.

So, he let her know.

"Serena!"

"Gaw!" She pushed him off of the coach and sat up. "I beg you never to do that again."

"Well, you were ignoring me," he said, like a pouting child.

"I was trying to sleep."

"And in the process you managed to ignore me. That's just not nice." He climbed back onto the coach and crossed his arms, as if to say that he was really mad. She sighed.

"Fine, what do you want?" she asked.

"I want you to apologize for ignoring me," he said. He quickly added, "and I want a kiss."

"Sirius, I will not apologize for wanting a nap," this did not make Sirius very happy, "but," man, did he like buts (of all kinds (i.e. buts with two t's)), "I will consent to kissing-" Sirius had heard enough. Hell, he would have been satisfied at the but. She did have a very fine backside.

"Wait!" Sirius yelled, mostly into Serena's mouth. She winced. Sirius was not someone to half ass anything, so when he yelled you can be sure that his point got across.

"What?" she asked.

"You fiendish little poppet," he said playfully, "trying to distracting me from my original purpose were you? Well, you'll find that when I want something nothing will keep me from it. So."

So, he stared at her. Pointedly. He just stared at her. He did not say anything. He was waiting for her to say something. Sirius Black would not proclaim his love without having heard said to his face first. So, there was his face waiting not so patiently to be proclaimed to.

He sighed impatiently.

She just looked at him confusedly.

"Serena!" He yelled like she had done something wrong. Which in his book she had.

"What?" she asked as confused as ever.

"This is my face." He pointed at his face so that she was sure to get it. He waited for a response. "Well, aren't you going to say anything?!"

"Um, it's a very handsome face," she ventured. Sirius relented, slightly.

"Very true, but not what I wanted. You see, Serena, I've helped you out. See, I've brought my face to you. So, you don't have to go find it. I think that's why this has been so long coming. You couldn't be bothered to find my face. But don't worry I'm not mad about that. I mean your hot as hell, I don't really care that you're lazy." Serena tried to understand this haphazard collection of statements for a few minutes before giving up and then trying a reasonable response. She should have known that would not go well.

"Sirius, I have no idea what you're talking about." That was quite true, but not as far as Sirius was concerned. In his world she should have known exactly what he was talking about. So, he just told her.

"You love me," her eyes got wide at the sentence, but he was far from done talking, "I heard you tell your friend in the hallway. I heard you tell her that you're in love with me. And that you have been in love with me since the second you laid your eyes on my hot bod. I just want to hear you say it to my face." He pointed at his face again. And he waited again. But Serena still did not say anything. In fact she looked like she was about to throw up. "Um, babe, you can tell me you love me now. I'm totally ready to hear it."

But Serena did not tell Sirius that she loved him. No, she ran up to the girls dorms and locked herself in there for the rest of the day.

----

James had not gone to Speciology for at least two weeks. Professor Juarbe did not seem to be upset about it. Seeing as he had not mentioned it or even punished James for it. So, Lily, being the dutiful student that she was, tried to ignore it. Maybe James had dropped the class and just refrained from telling her. Or perhaps he had been kicked out (though that was unlikely, James was the best student in that class).

Nevertheless, Lily was getting peeved not knowing why her boyfriend had not shown up to class for two weeks. He even seemed averse to telling her why. She got this idea from how touchy he would get when she brought it up.

He got touchy literally.

James would start kissing and groping her whenever she tried to ask him why he had not been to class. Not that she minded much. She had to admit that once and a while over the last few weeks she brought it up on purpose just so he would kiss her and stop doing his homework.

But now Lily was determined and not terribly interested in snogging. So, she had every intention of finding out the real reason that James was not going to Speciology… and if he was in the mood for talking, why he had not asked her to Hogsmeade now that they were dating.

She found him sitting in his dorm room, and of all things that he could be doing, he was reading. She caught the title of the book, it was Quidditch Through the Ages. Oh good, he was not reading anything out of character. She knew to start worrying when he picked up Shakespeare.

"Hey, babe," he said without looking up from his book. How did he do that! He always knew when she entered a room. He did not even have to be facing the door. Perhaps she would ask him about that to.

But first she would have to get him in the mood for talking. She had gathered over the past two weeks that when he did not want to talk about something, he sure as hell did not talk about it.

This was going to be tricky.

So, Lily put on her brightest smile and sauntered over to James. He looked up and put his book aside as if he knew she intended to do something he would no doubt enjoy. Instead of scowling at him for knowing her so well, she gave him a sultry smile and sat on his lap.

She ran her hands through his hair and kissed his ear. She knew it was time to act when he oh so subtly flipped her over and started kissing her neck. "Jamie?" she whispered.

"Oh yes, Lily," he said between kisses.

"Something has been bothering me," she said. She ran her hands all over him, encouraging him to think this was going somewhere he wanted it to. And it certainly was not.

"MMMM…What is it, Lily-Love?" He moaned into her neck.

"Oh, I should have never brought it up! There's nothing you can do about it, I'm sure!" She whaled. James brought his head out of her hair and gave her a concerned look.

"Baby, just tell me what's wrong. I'll do whatever I can," he said. Maybe he could not read her that well.

"I'm just so curious about something, and I feel like there is nothing I can do to find out what I need to know," she said. James sighed. He sat up and ran his hand through his hair.

"You want to know why I haven't been to Speciology class for the last two weeks," he said. Damn. And she had been doing so well. She sighed and straightened up.

"Yes, I would," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Listen Lily-"

"No, you listen, James Potter. I am your girlfriend, I have every right to know why you haven't shown up to class for two bloody weeks! And no amount of kissing or touching is going to change my mind about this. I want to know the truth."

"The truth?" he asked.

"Yes," Lily nodded, "the whole, complete truth."

"I don't know the whole truth," Lily was about to interrupt him, but he talked over her, "if I did, I would be going to Juarbe's class. If I did I'd be sleeping at night, I'd be talking to the Pagans the way I used to, I'd be eating regularly, I'd be down in the Common Room right now instead of reading for crap's sake. Lily, I just don't know."

Lily digested what he said and tried to formulate a response. She grabbed her boyfriends hand and gave a concerned look. "You haven't been sleeping?" she asked.

"It's all right, Lily."

"It's not all right, James! If a human being doesn't sleep for three days they are legally insane. Are you saying that you haven't slept in two weeks?" James sighed and looked away from Lily.

"You haven't, have you?" James nodded. "How are you not losing your mind? How are you even awake? James this is unhealthy and as your girlfriend I won't stand for it! Now, go to sleep! Go to sleep this instant! Or I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing!" Lily pushed into his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.

"Lily," James said patiently.

"No, 'Lily', sleep," she said.

"Lily, please, just let me say something," he said.

"No, no, no, no, James you need to sleep. Do you want me to sing to you?"

"I want you to listen to me."

"That is not the yes or no answer I was looking for. Now, close you're eyes."

"Lily, I'm not tired."

"That's impossible, you haven't slept in two weeks."

"I haven't slept since that History of Magick class on the dwarf wars," James said. That stopped Lily.

"But that was last year," she said. James sat up and sighed.

"Yeah, you had gotten a cold and weren't going to class. There was nothing there to amuse me so I went to sleep for about five minutes." James smiled at Lily, but she did not return the gesture.

"James what is going on? What's the real reason you haven't been sleeping and haven't gone to Juarbe's class?" she asked, very seriously. James grimaced, there was no way he could get out of this.

Unless, of course, Sirius chose that moment to seek his best friend's opinion. Which, of course, he did. Sirius walked into his dorm room just as James was about to start talking and promptly talked over him.

"James, what is wrong with Serena?!" he demanded.

"I don't know, what did you do?" James asked.

"I brought my face to her. You'd think she'd be happy about that, but she wasn't. For Merlin's sake, I did her a favor!" Sirius yelled.

"Nothing you just said made any sense," Lily said. "And besides, you've gotten James off topic. I'm not leaving until you answer me."

"Nothing you just said made any sense," Sirius pouted. Lily stared at James, silently willing him to talk.

"James! How are you not dead?" she yelled.

"Now that makes no sense."

"Sirius shut up. James answer me, I'm worried about you. Not sleeping is not good for you," Lily said.

"What do you mean, not sleeping? James sleeps every night. I'm right here when he does it. Isn't that right, Prongs?" Sirius asked. James did not answer, he just looked at his lap. "James?"

"Not exactly," James said.

"Not exactly what?" Sirius demanded. Regardless of any puns he was very serious.

"I haven't slept a wink since last year in History of Magick." Sirius stared at James, completely dumbfounded. Lily was about to get back into interrogating her boyfriend when the door opened again and Remus and Peter walked in.

"Have you guys seen Remy? I really need to talk to her," Remus said. He would have said more if not for the pissed off look on Lily's face, the shocked look on Sirius' face and guilty look on James' face. Peter just looked confused. "Is something wrong?"

"James hasn't slept since last year in History of Magick!" Lily yelled. "Now can we please all ban together to figure out why."

"Lily, that impossible," Remus said, "James would be dead if hadn't slept for that long and that obviously isn't the case."

"That's what I said," even though that is not what Sirius had said, "but James confirmed it. He said just what she said. And he's my best mate, he wouldn't lie to me. He might lie to her certainly not to me."

"James?" Remus asked.

"It's the truth, every word of it," James said. He had never imagined this conversation going this way. But it seemed that he had put this off long enough. He had to face the music.

"But how?"

"Yeah, how?" Peter asked. Sirius nodded at him to speak up.

"Well, what have you got to say for yourself, James," Lily said. James thought for a moment, then spoke.

"Did you guys notice how Professor Juarbe just knew my name? He never asked my name. He just knew it, like he knew me."

"No, I didn't notice that," Peter said.

"I just figured you had gotten in some sort of trouble with him before class," Lily said. Sirius and Remus just nodded along with what Lily said.

"Guys, there is no nice way to say this. In fact I'd really rather not, but it seems inevitable that you'll find out one way or the other."

"James," Lily grabbed his hand, "what is it?"

"Guys," he paused and took his girlfriend's hand, "Lily, I'm a Pagan."


	14. Chapter 14

"The truth sets you free, my ass." – Danielle Juarez

A/N: I finally finished this chapter! Pat me on the back or the bum, I'm not particular!

Chapter Fourteen

Right Where We Left Off

James had no real intention of letting his friends know the truth of his birth. As far as he was concerned if no one came for him he was basically human anyway. But as soon as the Pagan showed up at his school he knew that he could not keep that secret for much longer. Though he never thought that he would have to be so blunt about telling them.

He also never thought that his declaration would be met by his friends arguing. Sure, they were quiet for a while, but that passed as soon as Sirius decided that it was not true. Lily countered with the fact that James would never lie about something like that. Which set off Sirius to ask how the hell she would know. Sirius and James were best mates after all.

Remus jumped in shortly after pointing out that it was impossible because the Potter's were human. James was about to say that they were not his biological parents when Peter, in a stroke of genius, said that it was possible the Potter's were not James' real parents.

Remus contemplated that and decided that the only person who could possibly know was James. But when he went to ask James, the messy haired Marauder in question was missing. After seeing how well his friends seemed to be handling the situation without him, James slipped off of his bed and out the window.

Since James knew very well that falling, even from the top of Gryffindor Tower would not kill him, he walked across the roof top with the air of some one who would rather be just about anywhere else. Not because he was on the roof of a castle but because Hogwarts, in James' opinion, really did not have any where nice to sit and think without being disturbed. One could always go to the Room of Requirements, but even that magickal place could never really give James what he wanted.

James stopped on the angled rooftop hardly noticing that he was slowly but surely slipping down, and looked up. It was going to rain. That pissed James off. He liked England. But he would have liked it more if it did not rain so damn much. He could feel that he was in for a good long walk on the rooftops and rain would only make the going all the more annoying. All that slipping and almost falling, was not appealing.

He climbed up and sat on the top of the roof. He roughly pulled out his pipe and what looked like an old piece of parchment. As James pressed the tobacco into his pipe he waved his hand over the parchment and thus appeared the Marauder's Map. (He was not a true wizard after all, and often could not be troubled to go about using his wand.)

He looked into the seventh year Gryffindor boys' dorms to see what exactly his friends were up to before he set out on the rest of his walk. They seemed to searching around the room for something. James guessed that they were looking for the map. Little did they know, when James did not want to be found, he made it damn hard to find him. One would think that his best mates would know that, but whenever they meant to ask him, they could never find him.

James folded the map up again and finished his pipe while watching the Ravenclaw's practice on the Quidditch pitch. He stuffed his affects back into his cloak and set off once more in no particular directions, except away from where he had come.

After many sullen minutes of walking James fumbled on a loose tile and grabbed onto a nearby window to steady himself. The noise caught the attention of the only man in England who would not be surprised by one of his top students walking around on the rooftop.

"Is there something I can do for you, James?" Albus Dumbledore asked.

James was about to say, "no," and continue walking, when a single rain drop slashed onto his glasses. He thought better of his answer.

"May I come in, Professor?" James asked.

"Why certainly."

James swung into old wizard's office and made himself comfortable in one of the chairs.

"I don't mean to intrude, James, but what exactly were you doing on the roof?"

----

"What I don't understand," Lily said. She was pacing around the boy's dorm looking like she was about to have a panic attack. "Is how my boyfriend could leave this room with out going out the door and without any of us noticing."

"He was my best mate before he was your boyfriend," Sirius pouted.

"That's not even what we were talking about, Black!" Lily snapped.

"It's almost dinner," Peter said. "Maybe if he'll show up there?"

"That's a fantastic idea, Wormtail," Remus said. "If James were that easy to find when he doesn't want to be found."

"You say that like this happens often," Lily said.

"Well, he usually doesn't just vanish. It's more of a, we're walking down the hall and all of the sudden James just isn't there," Remus explained.

"And he always seems to have the map whenever he goes off, so that we can't find him." Sirius collapsed on his bed with a growl of frustration. "This day was not supposed to go this way!"

"Well, if it's true-" Lily began.

"It can't be true!" Sirius yelled.

"And why not?" Lily asked deciding not to argue the point.

"He's my best friend. If anyone knows what species he is it'd be me."

"It's Remus your best friend too?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, what's your point?"

"Do you know what species he is?"

"How do you know that?" Remus asked, quite startled.

"We were Prefects together and we're Heads together now. Do you really think that I wouldn't notice how you always can't work on the full moon? I never brought it up because I didn't think it was my business," Lily said.

"It's not," Sirius snapped.

"Oh, so you do know."

"Of course I know. He is one of my best mates after all."

"How long did it take you to figure out?" Sirius slowly began to get her point and he did not like it.

"Three years."

"Three whole years. Some best mate you are."

"Oh that's rich coming from miss I hate James Potter one minute then I want his sticky little babies the next minute!" Sirius shouted.

"I never said that!"

"You might as well have!"

"Hey!" Remus yelled to get Lily and Sirius' attention. "Arguing isn't going to get us anywhere."

"So, what do we do? Go out and find him?" Lily asked.

"No, when James doesn't want to be found it's best to just let him come to you when he's over it," Sirius said.

"Well, that's not good enough for me," Lily said. She got off James bed and headed for the door. "If his best mates won't try to find him then I sure as hell will." She slammed the door behind her.

The three remaining Marauders sat in silence for a while.

"Since when does she swear?" Peter asked. No one answered him.

----

Lily's petite fist rapped at the door to Professor Dumbledore's office. She heard some muffled obviously unhappy voices and the shuffling of chairs. After a few minutes with her ear pressed against the door, James pulled it open and greeted his girlfriend with a strained smile.

"Let's go for a walk, Lily," he said.

"James," Lily said. "I think we should talk about this. What you said, it's huge. It's something I think we both need to talk about. Clear the air and all that. Figure a few things out. Like this whole immortality business is certainly going to be issue…"

James just nodded, took her hand and led her through the school. While Lily bombarded him with questions, comments and concerns, James kept quiet and continued on.

They finally stopped by the Great Lake and James sat down, indicating that Lily should do the same. She sighed and plopped down next to him. "James-" she began.

"The Dien don't sleep, Lily. We don't have to," James said.

"I know that, James. Juarbe told us last class that the Dien only need their head, heart and water to survive."

"When I was ten my mum was getting sick. We didn't know it at the time, but she did. The Dien are very good at hiding the things that are wrong with them. Especially where ailments are concerned. She knew that she was dying, but she didn't tell anyone. I'm sure that she hoped my father would do the right thing and live on, so that he could take care of us once she was gone."

"Us?" Lily asked.

"My siblings and I. I have three brothers and two sisters. That Pagan girl,

Jayme, she's my step sister. That's why she jumped the first day of classes, we were talking about my mother," James said.

"Oh."

"Well, in February right after I turned ten my mum died."

"Oh, James I'm so sorry."

"The night she died I had gone to her bedroom because I wanted her to read to me. And for the first time in a very long time, I fell asleep. In her arms, listening to her deep, loving voice read me some ancient Pagan bed time story. I had the first dream of my life that night and it was a dream of you. I woke up to the sound of my father screaming. My mum had died in the night, with me clasp to her. My father threw me from the bed and demanded to know what had happened to his wife. But I didn't know, I had been asleep. I told him that and he hit me." Lily gasped and grabbed James' hand.

"My father had never been fond of me. My mum always told me that it wasn't my fault. Not really. I'm named after my uncle, my father's older brother. My uncle was and probably still is, terrible to my father. My father hated his brother and because I'm named after him, my father is equally cruel to me. Anyway, my oldest brother pulled him off of me, but he had already made up his mind. He had one of the guards take me away, as far away as could be managed.

"The guard took me here, to the Human World, to England. He found a couple without any children and left me with them. The couple he left me with were the Potters," James said.

James and Lily sat in silence, while she digested what her boyfriend had just revealed to her.

"What are you going to do?" Lily asked after a very pungent silence. James shrugged. In truth he did not plan on doing anything. He had a good life with the Potters. They loved him, nurtured him, wanted him. He had grown accustomed to his life in the Human World. There was no real need, in his mind anyway, for him to return to the Pagan World. "Well, you have to do something," she said.

"Why?" James asked. "I like it here. Besides, if I go back you can't come with me and you're the only thing that would make going back worth it."

"You don't belong here, James. You should be with your people."

"My people abandoned me! And I belong with you. I belong with the people who want me and those people are here. You, Sirius, Remus, Peter! You guys are the ones I belong with. You're my people." James stood up and ran his hand through his hair.

"As sweet as that is, James, I must ask how you intend to explain to the general public how you're sixty and yet look twenty." Lily demanded. She got up and stood next to James.

"I don't know, Lily! I'll figure it out when I get there. I don't want to go back. I've been exiled by my father. My father is the king of Tunisia. To be quite honest I couldn't go back even if I wanted to." He sighed and looked out over the Lake. "If my mother knew. If she knew what he had done to me. There would be no forgiving him. She always loved us best over him.

"It was almost as if he resented us for that. Hated the fact that his wife, his queen loved her children more than him. She told me once that I would one find a love so pure and good nothing else would matter, until, of course, we had children. And then we would learn a new kind of love. For our children and for each other. I don't think my father learned that new love. He thought that everything should be the way it was. That their love shouldn't change because the situation did. He's probably never thought twice about what he did to me." James turned back to Lily. "So, why go back? He doesn't want me."

"I think you ought to give your father another chance," Lily said.

"Lily!"

"We have a lot to talk about. Things in our relationship we need to figure out. Things have changed, James. We need to work out what our future is going to be. But before we can do any of that you need to talk to Juarbe. The only reason I can think of why you haven't been in class is because he said something about you being a Pagan that you didn't like."

"Smart ass," James muttered.

"Juarbe is old and wise. And he seems to like you. Talk to him and we'll work from there."

Lily kissed his lips and walked back to the castle. James watched her go and sighed.


	15. Chapter 15

"Assume nothing and you'll never look like a fool." – Me

A/N: Sorry for the wait. I actually think that this chapter is really good!

Chapter Fifteen

Beginning of December

It had been two weeks since James told his friends and his girlfriend the truth of his birth and even though Lily had specifically told him he ought to attend Speciology class, he had yet to. So, being the tough girl that she was, Lily tried her best to force him to go. She threatened to break up with him if did not go to class. But he called her bluff and she refused to break up with him. They argued for a good half hour about lying to each other and by the end the hour were snogging on one of the Common Room coaches. Since her first and best idea failed, she tried to physically force him to class. But she was not strong enough to drag him across the school and none of his friends would help her.

By the end of two weeks she was tired, annoyed and still stubbornly determined. So, she turned to the only three people who could possibly talk her boyfriend into doing something he obviously really did not want to do.

Or at least she hoped they could.

Lily stood uncertainly at the portrait hole. She was beginning to question the real reason she was doing this. If she got James to talk to Juarbe, it was more than likely that she could lose him to the Pagan World forever. And that was nothing that her heart really wanted her to do. She glanced over to where James was sitting alone in the corner, doing his homework. Lily set her jaw, she was doing it for him. He would never be truly happy stuck in the Human World. She could see it in his eyes when he looked at his step sister. He had lost something dear to him.

Even if he did not quite realize it.

Lily walked over to Sirius, Remus and Peter. They were sitting in front of the fire playing Exploding Snap. After a particularly violent explosion she interrupted them.

"I need your help," she said. Sirius scowled, but did not look up at her.

"We already told you, Evans," he said. "We are not going to drag your boyfriend to his classes. I respect his desire to no longer attend that class. Hell, I respect anyone's desire to no longer attend any class."

"Besides," Peter said. "He always fights back when you try to force him to do something and he hits hard."

"I didn't mean that. I've given up on trying to force him into something he really doesn't want to do." The three boys looked up at Lily when she said that.

"Then what do you need help with, Lily?" Remus asked.

"I think I'm in love with your friend," she said. She had been thinking it since he told them he was a Pagan. She could find no other reason why his happiness, in spite of her own, mattered so much to her.

"Well, he's certainly in love with you," Sirius said. "If that's what you're worried about."

"It's not, but it is very good to know," Lily said.

"Then what's the problem?" Sirius asked.

"I'm worried that he's unhappy."

"With you?" Peter asked.

"Are you daft woman!?" Sirius demanded. "He's been bloody in love with you since you were eleven. I'm sure the first time you snogged, he nearly wet himself."

"Lovely visuals, Sirius," Remus muttered sarcastically.

"I'm not worried he's unhappy about us or our relationship, I know for a fact that he's very happy about it," Lily said.

"Okay," Remus said, slowly. "Then what do you think he's unhappy about?"

"Have you seen the way he looks at his step sister?" she asked. The three Marauders just stared at for a second. Remus, eventually, nodded, Sirius just looked away, and Peter seemed vaguely confused.

"It's not like there's anything we can do about it," Sirius said. "We're not the one's who kicked him out."

"I know that," Lily conceded. "But I think there is something we can do."

"What?" Remus asked.

"Juarbe obviously said something to James that he did not like, or else he'd still be going to class. I think that Juarbe said something about James going back to the Pagan World." This declaration was met by momentary silence.

"If James is so unhappy about having to leave his siblings," Peter said. "Why would he stopping seeing the person who could help him get back to them?"

"I think it's his pride," Lily said. "His father hurt his pride when he kicked James out. I'm not sure James is willing to go back thinking that he'll have to beg his father's forgiveness."

"Well, I don't reckon he should have to ask his father's forgiveness," Sirius said. "It's not like James did anything wrong."

"And no one believes that more than me- I mean us," Lily added quickly after seeing the look on Sirius' face. "I just don't think he'll ever be happy, truly happy if he stays here. It'll break my heart to see him go, but if it means he'll have a happy life, I think I'll be able to deal with it."

"So," Remus began. "Let me get this straight. You want James to go to class, so that he'll talk to Juarbe and hopefully figure out a way to go back to the Pagan World?"

"Yes," she said.

"We just thought you were being nosey about his studies." Lily smiled at Remus. "I'll help you drag him to class since that's the real reason." Peter began to nod in agreement, until Sirius spoke up.

"Well, I won't!" Peter immediately turned his nod into a head shake. "James is my very best mate. If he goes back to the Pagan World than that means I'll never get to see him again."

"So, James' happiness means nothing to you?" Lily demanded.

"Don't you dare insinuate that he means more to you than he does to me. You're the one trying to get rid of him!" Sirius stood up and got in Lily's face. Ever the courageous girl, Lily did not back down.

"I'm not trying to get rid of him! I want to make him happy! I want it more than I want to breathe! And if I have to give him up to make him happy then so be it. I'll deal with my broken heart on my own. So, either you help me, or you spend the rest of your life looking at your miserable best friend knowing that it was your selfishness that made him that way."

"You don't get it, Evans!" Sirius shouted standing up. "James was the first real friend I ever had. I always felt close to him because we had so much in common. Both pure bloods, Gryffindors, rebelling against what our parents wanted for us. Granted all his parents wanted from him was for him to behave, but nonetheless. He's always been there for me. Even when I was making a blasted fool of myself. If he's gone, who will I have left?" Sirius asked.

"You'll have Remus and Peter, Black," Lily snapped. "And this isn't about you. It's about James. He deserved to be back where he belongs, with the people he grew up with, with the family that raised him. It's unfair to force him to stay, when we all know he'd be happier back where he belongs."

"It doesn't look like anyone's forcing him to stay, to me," Sirius muttered.

Lily sighed. "I really didn't want to have to do this."

"Do what?"

"I've just been talking to some girls in the loo-"

"I'll never understand why you birds insist on blabbering by the toilet," Sirius said.

"I just so happened to run into Serena." Sirius perked up. "Not so snarky anymore are we?"

"I haven't a clue what you're talking about."

"Oh sure."

"But just for curiosity's sake, did she happen to mention a handsome, charming devil that has as of late ensnared her heart?" Sirius asked.

"Oh no," Sirius wilted. "But she did mention you." Lily was on the receiving end of the patented Black glare for that remark.

"Well, out with it, Evans," Sirius barked. "What did she say?"

"Well, that's neither here nor there, is it? Not my business telling you what she said. Which is a pity really, because it was juicy."

"Ahh hhha! You're black mailing me, you conniving little whore!" Sirius yelled.

"Oi!" James yelled from the corner of the Common Room. Sirius turned to his best mate. "No one is allowed to call my Princess Lily a whore, conniving or otherwise." With that said, James returned to his homework and Sirius turned back to the red head that was currently black mailing him.

"What can we do?" Sirius asked. "I'm not dragging him to class. Peter was right he hits really hard!" Lily grinned in triumph.

"I'm going to talk to Juarbe and try to find out what he said that upset James. You guys need to talk James into going to back to class, because if anyone can do it, it's you guys," Lily said.

"Thank you for having so much faith in us," Sirius said. "But I think you're forgetting something important."

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah."

"Remy said and I quote, 'I'm so happy to be going home for a month, because I won't have to see Remus thrusting loneliness and misery upon himself.' And then Serena said, 'I'm glad we're going home because hopefully it'll put a stop on Sirius' bloody I love you business. Just because I said it to you doesn't mean I ever meant to say it to him.' There are you satisfied?" Lily asked

"Not nearly as much as I'd hoped."

----

"… And I was just wondering if you would please look at my essay. It would mean a lot to me and besides I'd hate to turn in anything that is less than my best," Lily said, finishing her well rehearsed speech for Professor Juarbe. She needed a reason to be calling at his personal quarters at nearly ten at night. Seeking out his advice on some homework enough excuse to get on his good side while she grilled him for information on her boyfriend.

Unfortunately Lily was not half as good an actress as she thought and Eric saw right through her attempts to distract him from her real intentions. The fact was that Eric had been waiting for Lily to visit him. He knew that the Goddess was not cruel and that James would only love Lily if Lily loved him back. Even though Eric knew the homework question was just a ruse, he felt the need to humor her. She would not like the truth about her relationship with James.

"Of course I'll look over you essay, Ms. Evan," Eric said. He shooed her into his personal quarters and shut the door. "Do you have it with you?"

"Of course." Lily handed over hastily finished Speciology essay and hoped that it was not too obvious that she finished it about five minutes before she descended upon him.

"Why don't you have a seat while I look this over?" Eric suggested. Lily nodded her thanks and sat down in the plush chair by the hearth. She wrung her hands while Eric read. She went over her plan in her head for the millionth time and hoped like hell it worked. She did not know what she would do if it did not.

Eric sat down across from Lily when he had finished reading. "It looks like you rushed this, Ms. Evans. Like you weren't really paying attention to the assignment. I would be a shame if you were to hand this in for a grade, Ms. Evans. It is far below what you're usually capable of."

"Oh," Lily said. She wiggled in her seat. She had not thought that it was that bad. But considering the anal way she usually went about doing her homework any sort of rushing through it would be lower in quality. But it put her off that he thought it was that bad.

"You seem distracted, Ms. Evans. Is something on your mind?" he asked. Perfect opportunity, Lily thought.

"Well, I was wondering why James hasn't been punished for missing your class. I know that it's none of my business, but I am Head Girl, so I think that I am entitled to an answer. We don't want all of your students to be skipping class thinking they can get away with it," she said. Eric sat silently for a moment considering Lily.

"You're a very clever girl, Lily," he said. "Surely you've figured out that your boyfriend is not quite normal?"

"If you're talking about the issue of his species, you can save it. James and I have it all figured out."

"Do you really?" Lily nodded. "Do you plan on getting married?"

"We've certainly talked about it," Lily lied. Eric looked genuinely surprised.

"Clarify for me," Lily nodded again, "James has told you about the nature of his species and still intends to marry you?"

"Excuse me, Professor, but that sounded board line insulting," Lily said.

"It is certainly nothing against you character, Ms. Evans. But you must understand that if James were to marry you and perform his husbandly duties by you, he would be breaking a law that would end in the deaths of you both."

"What?!" Lily demanded standing up.

"Have you read the chapter on Pagan Law in your text book? I have a feeling you haven't," Eric said.

"I've read the introduction to the chapter. But not the whole thing," Lily conceded.

"There are very few laws in the Pagan World that are meant to prohibit sex. But one of them is called the Human Sex Law. It prohibits any sort of sexual relations between a Pagan and a Human."

"But what if a Human and a Pagan fell in love? What if they got married? Would they even be allowed to get married? What if they wanted to have children? What happens then?"

"The law has a loophole for that very reason, Lily," Eric said. "There is no way to prohibit love and the High Government would never dream of doing such a thing."

"The High Government?" Lily asked. She had quickly lost control of the situation, she had underestimated Eric. So, she figured, that she might as well go along for the ride and see what she could find out.

"The Pagan World is made up of a lot of little kingdoms strewn across numerous continents. All of these little kingdoms are ruled over by the High Queen and the High King. Right below them is the House made up of representatives elected by the rulers of each kingdom in the land. Below them are the Senate and the Courts. Each is made up again by representatives from each kingdom, but they are elected by the people of each kingdom. Now, these-"

"This is all well and good, Professor," Lily said interrupting him. "And I can't wait until we hear about it in class and I can take notes on it properly. But I'd really like to hear about this loophole in the law!"

"Of course, Ms. Evans. The loophole. You can make an appeal to the Courts or the Senate, depending on which kingdom you're from. If they hear your appeal and believe that you are truly in love, they will grant you a warrant that allows you to have sex with the Pagan that you love or visa versa. They make it very hard to be heard by the Senate or the Courts, though. People aren't granted warrants very often," Eric said.

"But why? Why do they make it so hard?" Lily demanded.

"When a Pagan has sex with a human that human is transformed into a Pagan." Lily let that roll around in her head.

"How?" she asked finally.

"This is not an appropriate topic to talk about with a student alone in my personal chambers, Ms. Evans."

"How does it happen?!" Lily yelled.

"If James were to have sex with you, when he released his seed within you it would be it would be coated with an enzyme that would find its way into your blood stream to you heart. There the enzyme would mutate your blood and make you the same species that James is," Eric said.

"Oh." Lily flopped back down into her seat. She thought for a moment. She figured that since Eric was being so open that perhaps he would answer the big question. "Why won't James go to your class?" she asked.

"We've finally gotten to the heart of it, eh? Your boyfriend's real name is Prince James Richard Juarez XVIII. Yes, I said prince. He is the youngest son of King Richard and Queen Desdemona of the Kingdom of Tunisia. His oldest brother is Joseph, the High King of the Pagan World. His oldest sister is Tina, who is a judge. His older twin brothers are Arthur and Mario neither of which have any interest in being king. And then there is Jayme, who is James' adopted sister who has no claim to the throne. The reason James has refused to attend my class is because I told him that he has no future with you. He was born to be king. His father knows this. We have come here to fetch him. Do you think it was a coincident that all of his friends and his sister came here on the eve of his adulthood?"

"So you're telling me that you mean to take my boyfriend, the one I love away from me?" Lily stood up. She felt her eyes begin to sting. Lily Evans rarely cried, but as she stared down at the Faerie sitting across from her, she did not think she would be able to help it for much longer. She wanted James to go back to the Pagan to live a good life, not to be some pawn in his father's sick plan.

"That's it, Juarbe! I've been trying to get James to return to your class because I thought you meant to do right by him. I thought you wanted to help him accept who he is and who he someday has to be. But all you are is a delivery boy! Well, I won't let you deliver my boyfriend to an unloving, horrible excuse for a father." Lily strode over to the door and let the tears run down her face. She would not let James go without a fight. Even it if killed her.


	16. Chapter 16

"

"Sirius had an odd way of helping his friends. Truth be told he really wanted nothing more than to make the few people he cared about as happy as possible. Or as happy as he was. So, he would go out of his way to do unnecessary thing and often ending up just causing trouble." – Owl and Crow, Sexual Education

A/N: This chapter took me forever to write. Please be nice to it.

Chapter Sixteen

Lily was crying. James could tell. When ever she was sad he felt like someone was strangling his heart. The feeling was so intensely painful for him that he had a hard time controlling his power. It seeped off of him often affecting the things around him in strange ways. This time it affected the weather. One second the sky was so clear you could make out the stars perfectly, the next second the sky was thick with clouds. Thunder boomed high in the atmosphere and lightning ripped across the sky.

James paced back and forth in front of the Portrait Hole waiting for Lily. He knew that she was heading towards the Common Room, he had checked her whereabouts on the map. But for whatever reason it seemed like she was taking far too much time to return to him.

James turned back to the map when Lily finally walked in, with tears still streaming down her cheeks. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her sweetly.

"What is it?" James asked. "What's the matter?"

Lily sniffled into James' robes and rubbed her eyes. "I've gotten your shirt all wet," she said.

"Oh, Lily love," James said. "I don't care about that. Now, what's happened?" Lily looked out the window at the rain pounding against the glass panes.

"When did it start raining?" she asked.

"When did you start crying?" James asked back. Lily gave a slightly annoyed, slightly watery glare.

"I asked you a question, James. I expect an answer. Not a- a- a conversation diversion in the direction you want it to go!"

"Lily, when you are unhappy my heart hurts and it becomes impossible for me to control my power. That time, four years ago when your cat died and you cried for two days, do you remember that?" Lily gave a choked sob in remembrance, James grimaced and thunder boomed outside. "For those two days I was in physical pain for the first time in my life. My house shook randomly, things vanished unexpectedly from my hands. Your unhappiness caused me so much pain that I couldn't control my magick. Since your crying now I've started a bloody rain storm and I can tell you that it won't stop until you're happy again. So, I wasn't diverting the conversation, I was trying to answer you to the best of my abilities. The storm started when you started crying."

"Wow," Lily said, the awe evident in her voice. "You must really love me. I mean Sirius told me you did, but to hear it put like that… well, wow is all you can really say."

"Of course I love you, Lily. I've loved you since I first saw you. Now, before my heart bursts, will you tell me what's wrong?" James asked, again. Lily paused and James waited.

"Are you going to Speciology tomorrow?" she asked, finally.

"By the Gods, Lily! How am I supposed to make us both feel better if you won't tell me what's wrong?!"

"Just answer the question, James!" Lily said, wiping the tears from her face.

"I wasn't planning on it, but Sirius, Remus and Pete won't let up on it, I might just go to shut them up," James said. He felt a stabbing pain in his heart as Lily gave out a choked sob.

"Please don't go!" Lily said. She grimaced at the desperation in her own voice. The confused look on James' face told her that he noticed it too. "I mean that, I'd um………… ah well, I'd rather like to…… ah- um… snog you during that class." James squinted at her. "Well, we haven't had a good, long snog in a while and I figured that since you wouldn't be going to class anyway we could spend that time snogging each other's brains out."

James gave her a skeptical look and crossed his arms. "Lily, what's going on? Where were you just now?" he asked. Lily grabbed the front of her boyfriend's robes and thought fast.

"I'll let you touch my breasts," she said. James gawked at her.

"You will?"

"Yes, I will."

"Why?"

"I'm in love with you, James. At this stage in our relationship I feel that that sort of intimacy is more than appropriate," she said, with a bit of a quake in her voice.

"Your obvious passion for me is astounding," James said sarcastically.

"Well, it is. Quite astounding if I do say so myself. And when we're snogging feel free to touch me any where you like. Not just my bosoms. But my bum as well as other places. And if you want-"

"Lily please," James said interrupting her. "You don't mean any of that. We haven't been dating long enough for you to be really comfortable with me touching you like that. Now, either tell me what's really wrong or I'll be going to Speciology tomorrow to find out for myself."

"No, please don't go! Don't most blokes love breasts? I've got two exceptional bosoms and you're turning them down?! Out of all the boys in this bloody school I had to fall in love with the only one that can't be bribed with breasts!" Lily yelled.

"Well, tell the whole bloody tower, why don't you?" James growled.

"That's it! I've had enough of your back talk. I'm your girlfriend, so you're going to do what I tell you to and you're not going to ask questions, do you understand?" Lily asked.

"Bloody hell, Lily-"

"No! Tomorrow morning after breakfast you will follow me to your dorm and touch me all over my body, do you understand?"

"Fine," James said.

"Good." James started towards the door. "Where do you think you're going?!"

"You didn't say anything about going to see Juarbe tonight."

"He's trying to take you away from me!" Lily yelled in desperation. James turned back towards his girlfriend in confusion.

"What?" he asked. Lily felt her eyes start to water again. It figured that she could not keep the truth from him.

"He wants to take you back to your father. It was your father that sent them. It wasn't a coincident that all the Pagans that came were your old friends, your father planned it that way, so that you would want to go home. And once you are home, he's going to force you to be king," Lily said, with tears streaming down her face.

"Lily." James walked back and pulled her into his arms.

"Please don't leave me. If you love me-"

"Lily don't," James said, shortly. He pushed her out of his chest and looked her in the eyes. "I'll talk to Juarbe. Find out what's really going on. But first there is something I must do."

"What?" Lily sniffed.

"I have to remember my life." Lily squinted at him, confused. "When I first came here, I forced myself to forget what I'd lost, why I was sent here, I forgot the bad memories and the good. But I think it's time that I remember it all."

Lily nodded sadly.

"Lily, I have to do this. If I don't know everything that has happened to me, then I can't make an informed decision about what ever it is Juarbe means to do to me. Please stop crying." James pulled Lily back into his arms and lost his face in her hair.

All the while the storm raged outside.

--

When Remus Lupin found out that he was going to be attending Hogwarts he never thought that he would get into Gryffindor. He thought for sure that he would be sorted into Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw if he was lucky. He just never considered of himself as a brave or loyal person.

Before he met James, Sirius and Peter he did not have any friends because of his lycanthropy. His parents tried to get him to go out, but he always had a hard time connecting to people.

It was not until he met his fellow Marauders that he really opened up to people. He wanted desperately to tell them about what happened to him once a month. But he also desperately wanted them to never find out about it. He worried every month that they would confront him about his perpetually sick mother.

Instead, they came to him with the truth.

And to his surprise they did not once mention abandoning him or spreading the truth through the school. No, all they talked about was what, if anything, they could do to help making it easier on him.

Even though his friends welcomed him with open arms, he still had a hard time trusting new people. One of the many reasons he did not know why he had been sorted into Gryffindor.

A Gryffindor would open up to the girl that had shown an interest in him. He would actively seek her out and snog her like crazy.

But as Remus wondered the halls of Hogwarts looking for Remy, he began questioning how brave he really was. When he found her, would he actually kiss her? He knew that he wanted to, but he was bit sure if he would get up the courage to actually do it. Once he found her, he would not have at chance to think on it anymore.

When she popped out of the library and walked right into him, he began to panic. Remy stood pressed against his chest for a moment, before stepping back. She made to walk around him, but he blocked her way.

"What the hell do you want?" Remy demanded.

That was a loaded question and Remus knew it. If he did not say exactly what he wanted he knew that he would lose her forever. And then they would both be more miserable then they already were.

Which made Remus confused. Before Lily mentioned Remy telling her friends that he was forcing loneliness on himself, he never thought that he was forcing himself to be lonely. Sure she had said the very same thing to his face a few months ago, he never really absorbed it until recently. He knew he was lonely, he just did not know why. Well, he knew now and he sure as hell was not going to mess it up.

"If you're just going to stand there you could at least let me pass. I have things to do, you know?" she said, none to kindly.

"I have things to say to you," Remus said, not giving the sentence much thought. He did want to tell her… something. He just was not sure what. Remy started fidgeting under his intense stare.

"I know that James' girlfriend heard me and Serena talking in the loo. I don't care that you know how I feel. I told you in the library in September and I stand by that statement. I want to be with you, I think I've made that quite clear. Now, if you'll move, I'll be on my way." She moved to walk around him and he blocked her, again.

"If you want to be with me, you'll wait until I've figured out what to say to you," Remus said.

"Fine, think. But I haven't got all night." She sounded touchy and unwilling to listen. Remus did not like that at all. She needed to hear him out if she was going to understand his hesitance at a romantic relationship.

"I need to explain why it's taken me so to absorb what you said in September. I've never had a girl like me and then be willing to call me out on my indecision. Most of them just moved on once they realized that I wasn't going to do anything about it. You have to know that none of those girls knew about my werewolf issue-"

"It wouldn't be an issue if you'd just accept it-"

"Be that as it may…… I have always had a hard time trusting people because of it. No Muggle would understand and Wizards are just afraid of me. Until I met James, Sirius and Peter I didn't have many friends. I've had three girlfriends and they all broke up with me because I was unwilling to open up to them. I was then and am now afraid that if I'm honest with a girl that she'll reject me," Remus admitted.

"Is there a point to this?" Remy asked.

"You asked what I wanted. And I'm trying to tell you. I want to feel like a true Gryffindor. Brave and loyal. I want to be brave enough to just snog you instead of screwing everything up like I usually do. I want to be brave enough to tell you that I want you. I want to be loyal to you to a fault and I want you to be loyal to me."

Remy looked up at him for a moment. Remus thought that she would reject him. But his worries were eradicated the moment she grinned and looked at the broom closet down the hall.

"What did you say about snogging me?"


End file.
